Texas A&M to Install Campus Virtue Signal
Following a move by the Office of the Commandant at Saturday’s game, Texas A&M University felt called to renew their campaign against intolerance. The ability for the Corps of Cadets to demonstrate their stand against bigotry by a small gesture at march-in has revolutionized campus policy.
Starting on Friday, the university will begin constructing a massive virtue signal on the roof of Koldus, to shine on Rudder Tower. In the advent of racial incidents on campus or other sensitive issues such as student mental health or sexual assault, the school will simply shine a phrase such as “BTHOHate” or “We Hate Racists Too” on the side of Rudder Tower for all of campus to see.
“After receiving the support and strong reactions to such powerful imagery, we see this as the only option moving forward,” said Dr. Anne Reber, Dean of Student Life. “Changing policy and mandating training is a thing of the past. Look at the student support for this project compared to our required Haven training!” The signal will be capable of altering what it projects and allow for commentary on multiple issues within a matter minutes.
Some students feel that the signal would be a poor use of university funds and is not sending the right kind of message. “It feels like we are just doing something without really doing anything at all,” said Belle Arrow, a junior economics major. “I mean, you’ll only be able to see the signal at night, when most students aren’t even on campus.”
“I can see the intent and the goodwill behind the message,” said Hannah Reivington, a senior computer engineering major. “It will at least make students and the university feel as if they’re doing something, but not much else.”
Chancellor John Sharp hopes that the signal shining bright on Rudder Tower will be a monument against bigotry for everyone in the Brazos Valley area to see . Chancellor Sharp did not seemed worried the signal might distract from the crown jewel of Aggieland, the yet to-be-named hotel. “The only place on this campus that will be more remembered, more frequented, and more well-known is the building across the street.”
—Netflix And Drill
Not like that, you pervert. Like Corps drills. Get your mind out of the gutter. “Why is ‘The Bridge on The River Kwai’ not on Netflix,” he shouts. Netflix & Drill doesn’t just stand for the Aggie football games, he remains standing for the entirety of every single weekend the Aggies play football, sitting down only to sleep.