Friendship Over With End of Snapchat Streak

On Friday, March 31st, Donald Johnson and Riley Simmons ended their so-called friendship. The two had known one another for a year previously, but had recently taken their relationship to the next step: Snapchat. Johnson, a sophomore business major, had been Snapchatting Simmons for a record 120 days when the streak ended tragically.

“Well, it started off casual: ice cream or lecture hall snaps here and there. Then it became this unspoken pressure,” said Simmons, a sophomore kinesiology major. “I’d have to constantly show him what I was doing. I’d wake up with a snapchat from Donald. Then I’d have to respond or our streak would die along with our entire relationship. I couldn’t eat pizza without feeling like I needed to document it for him.”

Students can be found all over campus recklessly walking into bike lanes and roads attempting to maintain their duty to society by posting stories and letting their friends know exactly what they are doing every minute of the day.

Johnson and Simmons had not seen one another in person since November. Unfortunately for the streak, on Friday, Simmons lost her phone at Chilifest. Without the communication, the entirety of their friendship died. Johnson commented, “I thought we had something outside that, like—I don’t know—an actual friendship, but without snapping her for two days, I realized I knew nothing substantial about her. I’m kinda glad it happened, though. I ran out of things to say weeks ago, but my roommate started responding for me.”

—Metta World Pizza