Health Officials Investigate Rabies Outbreak Among TexAgs Users
Following reports of erratic behavior and unprovoked aggression among TexAgs users, Brazos County health officials have identified the cause. Officials have asked residents to avoid contact with users of the popular forum site in order to contain the spread of rabies.
“We have been getting reports of rabid behavior on TexAgs for years,” Emergency Coordinator Rudy Tylek said. “But we have never seen it spread this quickly or on this scale.”
Officials believe that the outbreak began last September on a thread about people removing their shoes in movie theaters. The disease was then spread quickly among users, thanks in part to the current political climate. The rabies remained largely unnoticed until the most recent student government controversy caused a spike in infections.
The disease silently spread at an alarming rate as the recent controversy with Corps Policy changes were revealed in the “Military” section of the forum. A large number of rookies were exposed to the disease when older posters reached the board.
When asked to comment on the outbreak, a Texas A&M spokesperson said that the university is happy to see that a cause has been identified.
“We were beginning to worry that former students had abandoned the core values of loyalty and respect that we worked so hard to instill in them,” said the university spokesperson. “We knew deep down that fellow Aggies would never have acted like this.”
The health department has placed TexAgs and its users under voluntary quarantine. If someone you know begins to act irrationally angry and disoriented, please isolate them and call authorities immediately.
Officials did not comment on if they believe Secretary Rick Perry was exposed.
—Wrecking Crew Reba
Wrecking crew Reba’s crowning achievement is the restraining order Myles Garrett had to file against her. It’s framed (after all and hanging next to her first game day towel. No one is more zealous when it comes to defense, no one yells louder after a bone-crunching sack, and no one is quicker to throw up the WC hand sign. Wrecking crew Reba was probably the only Aggie who did not enjoy the Johnny Manziel era, constantly waxing poetic about Von Miller and 9 to 6 against Nebraska.