It was a typical election night in Aggieland, until we saw the alert that Robert McIntosh had been disqualified from the Student Body President race for multiple counts of voter intimidation. At The Mugdown, where truth is of little value, we saw that Robert had been compromised by unsavory videos of Robert’s campaign allegedly engaging in “voter intimidation.”
Previously, we had not endorsed any of the candidates, but faced with this injustice, our staff has decided to send Robert help in any way we can. We think that the alleged violations are egregious and likely fabricated to disparage Robert’s good name by supporters of known rapscallion, Bobby Brooks.
Despite our previous rhetoric, The Mugdown cares deeply about fair play, much like our unforgettable president, Earl Rudder. That is why we must vigorously protest these 205 allegations immediately. Robert is an extremely qualified, attractive, and intelligent candidate who knows an enormous amount of people and is very familiar with all of the election bylaws. Do you really think such an adept individual would commit such blatant campaign violations in full view of Bobby Brooks?
See the message that is right before your eyes. Bobby thinks that we are all stupid. He wants us to think that everything is okay. Robert McIntosh would never resort to intimidation of voters or of, say, a satirical newspaper. He would never try to demand votes or hold the writers of a satirical newspaper hostage until they say nice things about him. The claims submitted to the election council are trivial, at best. As for the video evidence, one can easily see that those were silent videos of students talking to each other, which can easily be manipulated.
Let’s stop beating around the bush. Bobby Brooks stole this election, and he won’t stop at the presidency. If democracy at A&M is to survive, we must resist this encroachment of our freedom.
Please help, he has our families.
—Big Brother Jed