More Engineering Fish Must Flunk
The Mugdown continues a rich tradition of satirical publications at Texas A&M. Cushing Library and Archive houses copies of satirical publications produced by students from as early as 1916.
The article below is reprinted from an issue of “THE BUTTALION,” released on April Fool’s Day in 1957. Sixty years may have passed, but it seems some things don’t change.
Dr. Jack C. Cowhound, big dog in the School of Horizontal Engineering, barked out at engineering professors Friday for not flunking enough students on quizzes this semester.
Cowhound, speaking before a gathering of hen house profs at the Chicken Farm, told them that there is no such thing as an intelligent student. “We must make students learn that they have to boot-lick to get a degree in engineering,” he said, smiling.
The atmosphere of the meeting got worse as some chickens flew from their coops and landed among the profs. Slapping an old hen from his head and wiping his face off, Dr. R. A. Birdseye, head of the industrious engineering department flatly defied Cowhound.
“Today is Friday,” he said with rage. Members of the press quickly jotted down his stirring word.
R.C. Crank, head of airplane engines, quickly agreed: “You’re right, Birdseye,” he said, picking up an egg just laid by a nearby hen.
Cowhound wouldn’t let these insulting remarks go by. He threatened to send both men to Chancellor T.T. Herringbone. Both men looked at each other with fear in their eyes. One reached down and scratched the feathers on his leg. They knew that this meant only one thing. Herringbone would turn his little dog, Fritz, on them. “What a way to go,” they said with an almost inaudible tone.
With these two traitors out of the way, Cowhound continued his reprimand. “I want at least 75 percent of the students to flunk at the end of this year,” he said. “Flunk all of the athletes first. We’ve got to follow the lead of the School of Tarts and Seances.” Cowhound said that the dean of that school, Dr. Aeroplane, thought it was a good time of the year to flunk athletes. He emphasized that he was not an athletic supporter.
In conclusion, Cowhound stressed the professors’ duties to their profession. “It’s an honor to be an A&M professor. Let’s live up to the honor and flunk as many students as possible. We want quantity not quality.”
—The Buttalion Staff, 1957
