Puppy Station to Introduce New Line of Non-GMO Puppies
In an effort to provide customers with a more novel experience, Puppy Station plans to release a new collection of non-genetically modified puppies. The popular store located in the soul-crushing Post Oak mall will be introducing wolf pups in early December, coinciding with finals in order to cater to students who need study breaks.
Cassidy Arenal, manager of Puppy Station, stated that the decision to incorporate non-GMO dogs in their store was more than just good business. “Science is showing how bad GMOs are for humans, but it is not just affecting us— it is affecting man’s best friend too. Our dogs are suffering because of genetic modification. I strongly believe in selling wolf cubs instead of encouraging people to buy the ‘dogs’ we think are normal. We need to get back to the real, pure, and unadulterated canines our ancestors kept.”
Other Puppy Station employees have embraced this morally conscious outlook. “At Puppy Station, our puppies are constantly sick,” said Timothy Kareven. “It is because these poor dog breeds have been subjected to millennia of selection and human tampering. It is definitely not because we do not provide adequate space, housing, or socialization. It is due to centuries of neglectful breeding practices, not our borderline neglectful treatment in the store.”
Arenal echoed her employee’s sentiments. “Our animals deserve the best despite the struggles they face because of genetic engineering by humans. And giving them the best means keeping them in cages meant for one dog, but with seven other puppies, to try to activate that ‘living in a pack’ instinct.”
Puppy Station owner, Matt Gruener, reassures students that engaging in good moral and ethical practices will not cost them extra. “We do not want to financially deter people from doing what is right. That is why the cost to pet the puppies remains at 25¢. This low price buys you two privileges. First, you get to care about puppies for the amount of time it takes to get a social media worthy photo. Second, you get the privilege to not care about the puppies’ well-beings after you have gotten the photo that you need.”
Texas A&M students seem excited for the new developments in their favorite mall store. “I can look forward to something during finals week now,” said Emily Derrickson, sophomore Industrial Distribution major. “The adrenaline rush of petting a wolf cub and not knowing if it will rip my face off will be so much fun.”
—Come and Bake It
If you’d like to make a difference in an animal’s life and get some unconditional puppy love, please consider volunteering at a local animal shelter. Two main shelters in the area are Aggieland Humane Society (requires volunteer application and $25 fee) and Bryan Animal Center (application, but no fee). Animal shelters rely on volunteers, who provide meaningful human contact and socialization for the animals, helping prepare them for their forever homes.
Remember that one episode of NCIS where the sweet, concerned grandmother ended up being the killer, and for once you were ACTUALLY surprised? That’s Come and Bake It. She lives her life in the shadows, always smiling and looking sweet, but it is a sugary coating for a perilous interior. She is listening to your conversations, and she is laughing at them. She knows more about you than your closest friends do, just from looking at your shoes. And she does not like what she sees.