Protests rocked the east side of campus today as news that a Liberal Arts major was hired for a well-paid internship, while petroleum engineering majors are still without internships and jobs.
Junior English major Sarah Oliver received an offer from a well-known consulting firm because of her “analytical and personal skills”. Jobless petroleum engineers, refusing to believe liberal arts students have any skills at all, marched from Richardson to the Liberal Arts Building carrying signs that read “NO MATH, NO SCIENCE, NO JOBS.”
“We went through years of real college classes to earn our spot at the table,” said junior PETE major Logan Fenster. “The world really is going to hell if that damn book-reader gets a job while us real students get left in the dust.”
The petroleum community has been on edge since the beginning of the oil decline, and the news of Oliver’s success was the last straw for many.
“I have not slept in five days—five days—and I still cannot get an internship,” said Fenster. “I’m not saying that I think liberal arts majors don’t work as hard as me, I know they don’t! She doesn’t deserve it! No non-engineers deserve jobs. Other ‘students’ don’t know the hell we have gone through!”
The number of engineers joining the protest has been fewer than expected, Fenster claims, partially because engineering students were getting lost after leaving their respective buildings, and partly because they are typically afraid of sunlight.
“Sometimes we forget that there are other majors at A&M, so we don’t really know our way around campus,” said senior chemical engineer Rosa Burg. “I mean, all of us non-petroleum majors made $10,000 on our internships last summer, and we’re all pretty big deals, so I don’t see the need to know about the less accomplished parts of campus.”
When asked about her thoughts regarding the engineering community’s outrage, Oliver responded with candor.
“I think today is a win for the writers, poets, and lovers of culture everywhere,” said Oliver. “Sucks to suck, engineers. Or, as William Shakespeare would say, ‘Thou art a boil, a plague sore, an embossed carbuncle in my corrupted blood.’”