Desperate for Voters, Polling Place Disguises Itself As a Panda Express
In a strange turn of events, a student who thought he was standing in line at the MSC Underground Panda Express found himself voting instead of ordering fried rice.
Michael Schenkel, sophomore Economics major, had been watching cat videos on his phone and had not noticed that what appeared to be Panda Express was actually a shoddy sign made out of used Chinese takeout containers hiding a polling booth.
Looking perplexed, Schenkel followed the crowd and pulled out his driver’s license as a form of identification. When asked for comment after the incident, Schenkel said, “I stood in this line for 45 minutes because I thought it was worth my time. I wanted fried MSG with a side of meat and rice, not a fulfillment of my civic duty. I have already shared tons of dank Bernie memes on Facebook. Isn’t that enough for you people?”
Other students that had been tricked into voting voiced similar complaints. “It’s just so inconvenient,” said Kayleigh Stimmers, junior English major. “Standing in line for sub-par Chinese food for an hour is precious ‘me time.’ Now I have wasted it on exercising my democratic right and taking part in the future of my country. My vote probably won’t matter anyway.”
Those running the booth were not surprised with the uproar. “We know that getting Panda is far more important in the long run than participating in this election. Did we trick them? Yes,” said junior Political Science major Morgan Herrington. “Unfortunately, logical and emotional appeals have failed and this was our last resort.”
Despite this clever guise, voter turnout was still low. Many students had wrongly equated social media rants about the election with the impact of actually voting and, thus, had not bothered to vote at all. Students instead flocked to the other Panda Express locations in College Station, particularly the one at the corner of Texas Avenue and George Bush in hopes of salvaging their precious three hours of lunch time.
To combat low turnout in future elections, Herrington is planning a more elaborate fake Panda Express booth that will be irresistible to hungry students: she plans to have two working cash registers.
—Come and Bake it & Metta World Pizza
If you are registered to vote in Brazos County, you can early vote in the MSC two weeks before Nov 8 (starting Oct 24) or you can vote on the day of the election (Nov 8). Lines for early voting will be much shorter than those on election day, and probably shorter than the lunch line for Panda Express.
For more information on voting in Brazos County, check out Gig the Vote.
If you are registered to vote in another county, visit this link for voting locations.
