Sul Ross Statue Now Accepting Venmo
In the most recent attempt to keep up with New Army, Texas A&M University has partnered with Venmo, the popular digital wallet app, to allow students to “put a penny on Sully” from anywhere in the world. Using the username @SulRossCashOutKing12, university officials hope this endeavor will increase popularity on what they call a “dying tradition.”
“Nobody keeps change on them anymore,” said Geoff Sullinger, Vice President of Campus Traditions. “Incorporating Venmo at the Sul Ross Statue will be more convenient for our students. Plus, the time saved by not going all the way to Academic Plaza can be applied to more studying,” said Sullinger. With the University’s initiative to increase academic performance, officials are looking for ways to make life easier for students.
“I like the idea,” said junior Kinesiology major Avery Delfino. “Why would I walk way over to the other part of campus, close to Evans and Cushing Library, when I can Venmo from my bed while watching Netflix?”
The University is looking into new ways to increase the options for putting a penny on Sully. Within the next year, students will have the opportunity to bill their student account if they wish to contribute to the famous statue.
Lastly, all revenue generated by the Sul Ross Statue will no longer go towards different charities. To further keep up with the millennials at A&M, all funds will go towards the opening of a new on-campus vape shop. The delivery date of the new vape shop has not been set, but University officials are continually surveying students on how they can keep campus “cool.”
—Good Bullogna
Her ascent to the highest social class began in first grade, when she consistently brought the coolest lunch—Lunchables—to school each day, toting them in her Vera Bradley lunchbox. Never mind the fact that she only had Lunchables because her parents were too busy working high-stress careers to make her anything else, and she only had a Vera Bradley lunchbox because her parents bought her name-brand items to distract from their lack of engagement in her everyday life; Good Bullonga turned out just fine, if you ignore her crippling abandonment issues.