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Texas A&M's First Satirical Newspaper, Since 1875


The Testament of Coffee Shops

By 5K for Yell , in Local News , at March 9, 2016 Tags: , , , , , , , , ,

In the beginning, coffee-lovers frequented Muldoon’s and Mugwalls. 2 They saw the scripted chalkboard menu and the DTR chair and saw that it was good. The mugs were in abundance and the intentional conversations filled the skies with joy. The children of the bubble enjoyed prosperous times there for many years.

5 It would not last. Soon the years of famine hit and the walls became barren. Not a mug to be seen. The weary and weak of heart migrated to Sweet Eugene’s; a land of miscellaneous knick-knacks, donuts, and instagram tags. There were two different wifi connections and the children of the bubble saw that it was good.

8 In the years that followed, there was a chasm within the chosen people. 9 The temptation of a place called Lupa’s called many to wander. 10 Lupas contained clean walls and an organization that Sweet’s lacked. 11 Although food is scarce, Lupa’s was a center for the children of the bubble. 12 Many would travel to Lupa’s and spend their time greeting one another in the name of The Machine, thus ignoring the lack of wifi connections.

13 Throughout the chasm, the true children of the bubble sought a homeland elsewhere. Far from the distractions of College Station, in a place called Bryan. 14 The true children found a place called Harvest. 15 They saw the destressed furniture and walls and saw that it was good.

16 It is thus, the chronology of the Coffee shops or Aggieland. 17 Go forth and make disciples of all coffee drinkers. That you may Instagram your coffee and calligraphy for all the nations to see.