Racism Doesn’t Exist Anymore, Claims Asshole

Bryan Salinger, a local idiot, believes that racism is a thing of the past.

“No one is really racist anymore,” Salinger said, surprising this reporter by having the brain capacity to speak. “Sure there’s been some controversy or whatever recently, police shooting people or something. But those guys were just doing their jobs. Being a policeman is dangerous, and in their defense, minorities are scary.”

Approaching Trump-like levels of ass-hattery, Salinger continued to open his mouth and spew forth a rotten stream of pathetic, rude, and insensitive bile.

“There is no institutional racism at this institution or anywhere else,” the blackhole of human decency said. “We don’t even have enough minorities at A&M to be racist toward if we wanted to. Except for the athletes I guess, but nobody hates them.”

Salinger, who will now be referred to as Ostrich because he’s hiding from the real world by sticking his head into his own ass, claimed that African-Americans have it easy.

“If I was a minority, I’d be set for life,” Ostrich said, somehow not collapsing under the weight of his own ignorance. “They have so many scholarships and opportunities. Every time I fill out a form or apply for an internship, it asks me to say if I’m a minority. Black people have so much more privilege and preferential treatment. I guess the tradeoff of having all those privileges is you would have to hear black jokes all the time, but so what? Black jokes are hilarious- if anything, that’s a plus.”

Ostrich said some more things, but this reporter was already feeling nauseated from having to transcribe the words of a man who, even if he was two times smarter, would still be dumber than this punchline.

 

-Chophouse Sweater Burger