Secondhand Stress Reaches All-Time High
One of the greatest dangers of any semester coming to a close is the silent predator, Secondhand Stress. When others refuse to face their responsibilities and the stress-prone absorb everyone’s anxiety. The student body must take all possible precautions, as this toxic, permeating killer can be inhaled all around campus. When you pass the Starbucks in the MSC and see people chatting instead of studying, it hits.
People enjoying their lives at a time like this? Preposterous. You feel it in Academic Plaza when you see the hammocking squad. But this potent epidemic is deadliest within your own friend groups, where one person is somehow unphased by the importance of an 89 versus a 90. The atmosphere is tense and weighted down by this silence.
“My roommate Leslie is so nonchalant about her six upcoming finals, so I am selflessly bearing all the stress of her life-defining exams as a service to her,” said sophomore Tina Smith. “I just don’t understand how she can be so calm. Her room is a mess and she hasn’t seen her driver’s license since Thanksgiving. The Secondhand Stress from her lifestyle is weighing on me, and I need help.”
The Student Services Center offers an array of remedies to this overwhelming discomfort. The most effective way to combat Secondhand Stress, according to the FDA, is to completely avoid all of your friends until the 17th of December, when Secondhand Stress levels are expected to decline rapidly in the College Station area. But College Station weather is fickle. Maybe just get some new friends who work hard in all aspects of life. Only the few-the brave- can effectively bear the stress of those who simply do not care, or who have completely given up.
-Metta World Pizza
Pizza—it makes the world go ‘round. You could say that Metta likes to travel. You could say that, but that would be a lie. He just likes to sit at home and eat pizza and watch basketball, actually. Here at The Mugdown, we pride ourselves on a writer staff with a diverse background, which means that we even have a representation of that minority at A&M that likes basketball more than football. You’re welcome. On the other hand, everyone likes pizza, so Metta World Pizza is quite the all-star.