Campus Cary Approved
Speaker of the Student Senate, Aaron Mitchell, announced a new bill Wednesday to keep campus safe in light of the Texas State Senate and surrounding controversy.
“The Campus Cary bill will keep all students grounded in conservative values and protect us from infringements on our personal liberties,” said Mitchell. “A personal Cary for every student is the best way I know how to reduce liberal bias and in cases of self defense, it really packs a wollup! Who needs a devil on your shoulder when you’ve got a Cary in your holster?”
Cary Cheshire doesn’t disapprove of this message.
-Commons Lobbyist
Everyone’s favorite person to talk to on their break at work: the guy obsessed with politics. You’ve been working for five hours now and nothing is more sacred to you than this all too short half hour to relax, but guess who’s waiting in the break room for someone to talk to. Again. Sure, try and quote that headline you read two or three months ago. It doesn’t matter, the Commons Lobbyist knows he’s better informed than you. He could smell it on you as soon as you rounded that corner.