Tuition Hearing Becomes Auction for Highest Bid
Last week, Texas A&M’s most anticipated event of the fall semester finally took place: the Designated Tuition hearings, which propose tuition changes for the next academic year. For two days only, Rudder 301 and 601 became hot spots for student activity and passion.
“Whenever I get emails from the university about events, I always make sure and immediately put them in my planner,” said Ryan Polk, junior Supply Chain major. “University events always enrich my life and tuition hearings are no exception, especially when leaders like the Board of Regents are looking out for us.”
The tuition hearings were expected to completely fill the rooms and both evening sessions saw a packed crowd. Officials invited John Korrey, famous livestock auctioneer, to direct the proceedings.
“We were lucky that John had an opening in his schedule. With his finesse at handling rapid, meteoric rise in prices, the university assured that we were giving our students the best education for the most inflated price,” stated Jerry R. Strawser, Vice President and Chief Financial Officer.
Bidding for 2016-2017 tuition at both sessions started at $4,500/semester. The price quickly rose as automated dummies wearing “I Love Board of Regents” shirts strived to outbid each other. Spectators noted that the environment was tense and charged, with the students acting as fervent as Fish Camp counselors professing undying love for their camp session.
“I was on a huge adrenaline rush,” said Bailey Kring, a senior Electrical Engineering major who was a spectator of the first session. “I really believe that increasing our tuition will correlate to an increase in education quality. I don’t mind paying more, especially if there’s the chance that my department will hire professors that can actually explain their material.”
Strawser was pleased with the outcome of the two sessions, saying, “The 20 dummies – I mean students – that actually attended, out of 65,000 total, really represented student opinion.The Aggies demonstrated how they are engaged with their future and how they can appreciate the odd, and at many times illogical, executive decisions that seem counterintuitive to improving the student experience.”
At press time, a 2.2% tuition hike was proposed for the 2016-2017 year, increasing baseline tuition by at least $265 and adding another semesterly fee for feeding the cats outside of Heldenfels. The tuition increase is only expected to affect incoming freshman, transfer students, graduate students, and students with vowels in their names.
-Come and Bake It
Remember that one episode of NCIS where the sweet, concerned grandmother ended up being the killer, and for once you were ACTUALLY surprised? That’s Come and Bake It. She lives her life in the shadows, always smiling and looking sweet, but it is a sugary coating for a perilous interior. She is listening to your conversations, and she is laughing at them. She knows more about you than your closest friends do, just from looking at your shoes. And she does not like what she sees.