First Year Language Student becomes Master Linguist
On Monday of this week, sophomore-by-hours student Alec Reagan Douglas unraveled the secret that has plagued linguists for centuries: the pronunciation of the language Latin.
Douglas started out this semester in French 101, but soon found it to be beneath him. While attending the first class he quickly conquered the basics, and after casually skimming through the textbook, he easily learned all that he could learn from that language as a whole.
“I mean, learning another language isn’t hard,” Douglas said, “I’m already speaking to French women.”
Douglas soon discovered he possessed a special gift. After renting out Rosetta Stone for several languages, Douglas quickly learned Spanish, German, Russian, Mandarin, Korean, Navajo, Swahili, Canadian, and Aboriginal.
The language department, after hearing about how Douglas successfully talked to the student workers at the front desk of the Evans Library in the Farsi he had learned that morning, challenged the 19-year-old to unlock the lost pronunciations of Latin.
“I just tried to think, ‘How would [the Romans] say it’,” said Douglas, “and I simply spoke. It was easy.”
Douglas never intended such vast accomplishments, but he isn’t particularly surprised that he has done so. Next week, Douglas will be unraveling the greatest language mystery of all time: deciphering ancient Egyptian.
-Samurai Sully
Visible only at night, he stalks the streets carrying a wooden kendo sword searching for cheap thrills and even cheaper puns. He caught our attention after holding Revelicious hostage with only his bare hands and a pistol he stole from the Yakuza. A father to three and mother to one, he breaks all expectations. To paint a picture, the man once breastfed a baby panda he stole from the zoo. Also, he’s totally not gay.