TAMU Follow Train Derails, Hundreds Forced to Make Real Friends
After a devastating train wreck in Hearne last week, many new students are finding themselves having difficulty making connections. The latest addition to the long and storied list of Aggie traditions, the TAMU Follow Train (hashtag optional), provides students of Texas A&M an easy and fast way to make hundreds of acquaintances.
“I’ve never been great at social interactions in real life,” one anonymous student reports. “However, the follow train allows me to be more confident. I’ve met so many great people through it, and even though I never talk to them, I feel really great knowing I have so many potential friends.”
Some cynics have raised questions as to whether or not new Twitter followers count as actual friends, but these non-believers are deservedly missing out on the sweet favoriting community that the rest of the freshmen are experiencing.
“Some of my new Twitter followers actually say hi to me sometimes too!” freshman communications major Alyssa Brooker said. “But, I mean, it can be kinda weird when they, like, know that my favorite drink from Starbucks is a skinny mocha frappe with no whipped cream. Honestly, I wish that @AgHunter2017 stop leaving them outside my dorm.”
Brooker responded with confused looks when we suggested to cease posting her room number and Starbucks orders.
Unfortunately, with the latest turn of events, the TAMU Follow Train is stranded in the station, forcing a new series of lonely freshman to wait for the next one to arrive.
For now, some are desperate enough to spend time with actual friends, or even introduce themselves to classmates. Some, still insistent on quantity over quality, have begun to physically write down the names of people they meet and keep the paper in their pocket. Rumors are circulating that these sorts of papers are passed around classes, occasionally bearing a personal note directed to another person. This reporter is wary of such a method of communication to ever become commonplace.
When the next train will get up and running is a mystery, but there is no debate that the students of Texas A&M will work tirelessly to maintain this newly trademarked Aggie tradition.
-Bacon & Ags
It’s Sunday morning and you’ve woken up hungover and confused. “Man, last night’s house party was one for the books,” you think as you try and recall something, anything, about the party. The smell of bacon floats in from the kitchen, and you stumble over to see who’s cooking. You stand there in bewilderment— Bacon & Ags has cleaned up all of the empty bottles, cans, and Solo cups. He has cinnamon rolls warming in the oven, bacon on the stovetop, and an assortment of fruits on the table. You stutter, “Wow… I… uh… well,” but he cuts you off. “I just love a good brunch,” he says. “And since you threw such a great party, I thought the least I could do was clean it up and cook us some brunch! Here, I made some quiche— have some!”