Engineering Major Unsure if Everyone at Party Knows He’s an Engineering Major

Freshman general engineering major David Chapman glanced around the house party nervously as he refilled his drink, looking for anyone he had not yet introduced himself to.

“My time is valuable,” said Chapman. “Everyone here needs to know that there is so much schoolwork I could be doing right now. Not to complain, but I definitely have the hardest major of anyone in here.”

To educate those not in the know, all incoming freshmen interested in engineering are placed in General Engineering. This brilliant system allows freshmen to make an informed decision about which engineering field they want to specialize in after a year of taking University Core Curriculum classes.

“I always knew I was going to be an engineer. I really liked Legos as a kid. That’s pretty much all it comes down to, doing what I love,” Chapman said to a group of people watching the beer pong game. “It’s pretty tough though, I spent like an hour Googling answers for my Cal 1 homework the other night.”

The highlight of Chapman’s night was when he used a trash can to prop open the back door of the stuffy house.

“It’s a good thing there’s an engineer at this party!” said Chapman with a chuckle.

“I’d be lying if I said the money wasn’t a big part of my motivation. I can tell it gets the ladies excited when I talk about my future salary,” said Chapman, referring to the way women squirm uncomfortably when he talks to them.

Chapman then tried to describe the difficulty in choosing Chemical or Mechanical to a couple of “potential trophy wives.”

“He kept trying to explain how much harder is major was,” said Whitney Parker, a freshman marketing major. “But he’s in like three of my core curriculum classes.”

As of press time, Chapman was seen changing his major to Ag Leadership because his “stupid physics professor couldn’t speak English.”

-War Hymnal