Tuesday, November 5, 2024
Texas A&M's First Satirical Newspaper, Since 1875


HOUSE of KOLDUS: Part 2 of 2


Mugdown Presents
House of Koldus
by Honey Bear

 

*House of Cards Seasons 1 and 2 Spoilers Below*

This is the second part of a two-part series. Check HERE to read the first part to HOUSE of KOLDUS!

 

Scene 4
(Inside the senate meeting. Benigno is standing at a podium at the front as a bunch of camera flashes are going off. Zoe Barnes is among the reporters ready to take notes on a small notebook.)
Joseph Benigno: It’s been a long day for everyone. I know that. But I think you all know me well enough to have confidence that I would not have called a press conference this late at night unless it was of the utmost importance.
(Benigno begins to open the envelope that Murtha gave him earlier.)
Joseph Benigno: My team and I have been working all day to get to the bottom of this recount business. Not an hour ago, we found what we were looking for.
(Benigno pulls a small stack of pages out of the envelope holding them up for everyone to see.)
Joseph Benigno: These are the transcripts between Frank Underwood and Election Commissioner Emma Douglas discussing at length their plan to stack the SBP votes in Frank’s favor! I have over a dozen pages worth of emails laying out their elaborate scheme.
(Shot of Emma Douglas. She looks nervous and many people are glancing back at her. Joseph begins reading from the emails.)
Joseph Benigno: This is from an email between Frank and Emma last night:

“Frank.
The vote is set. It will be announced tomorrow evening that you have won the election by a margin of 11 percent.

Sincerely,
Emma Douglas”

I can not stress enough my recommendation to the Senate that Frank Underwood’s victory should be immediately nullified and his reputation held in contempt.
(The room explodes into a fury of camera flashes and questions. Zoe is seen rapidly jotting notes. A pale Emma Douglas has worked her way to the front of the room.)
Emma Douglas:(shaky, but resolved) I don’t know where Joe is getting his information from, but I can assure you that I learned the results of the election at the same time as everybody else: after the votes came in.
Reporter: And what about these emails you are accused of?
Emma Douglas: They are false. I’m sure as soon as my team is given the chance, they will be able to prove the utter lack of validity to these claims.
(Another man has now worked his way through the frenzy to the front of the room.)
Michael Murtha: There’s no need for that.
Emma Douglas: What do you mean?
Michael Murtha: I can solve the issue right now.
(Michael pulls out and opens a new, sealed, envelope. He pulls it out and scans the sheet.)
Michael Murtha: The recount is in. Frank did not win by 11 percent.
(Joseph allows himself a slight smile.)
Michael Murtha: He won by 13.
(The room is in an uproar. Joseph looks dumbstruck.)
Michael Murtha: (with a cheeky smile) And if that isn’t proof enough, our election commissioner always signs her emails “Thanks and gig ‘em.”
(As Michael holds up the recount sheet for the press to examine, Emma walks up behind.)
Emma Douglas: (In a hushed voice barely audible over the racket being made by senators and reporters) You’re working for Frank, too?
Michael Murtha: (still smiling) I am.

 

Scene 5
(It is now very late at night. Frank is briskly walking across campus finally heading home for the night. He looks like he’s fighting the cold with his hands tucked into an overcoat and a hat on his head to keep out the chill.)
Zoe Barnes: It’s clever.
(Frank spins towards the voice.)
Frank Underwood: (amused) Ms. Barnes! I can’t say I’m too surprised to see you. Can I ask what’s clever?
Zoe Barnes: All of it.
(She shrugs her shoulders as she thinks over where to start.)
Zoe Barnes: You took out both Benigno and Murtha, and no one’s caught on yet.
Frank Underwood: You think that was my handiwork?
Zoe Barnes: I know it was your handiwork. Benigno took the heat for fabricating evidence against you, but as soon as he revealed that Murtha gave him the phony proof, Murtha was dragged down with him. Not only did you give Murtha the means to take down Benigno, you gave Benigno proof that Murtha was hacking into senators’ emails. You set them up to take each other out.
Frank Underwood: (Frank continues along the path he had been walking before) Walk with me, Ms. Barnes? I’d sure hate to miss the last bus off campus.
Zoe Barnes: But that’s still only two of your three opposing candidates. What about Tsau?
Frank Underwood: Who do you think convinced him to run in the first place?
Zoe Barnes: ...robbing both Benigno and Murtha of the minority vote and pushing you to the top.
(Frank smiles.)
Zoe Barnes: I plan to publish everything first thing tomorrow morning. You should prepare a statement.
Frank Underwood: Can I ask you a question of my own now? How did you work it out?
Zoe Barnes: I asked the questions an unbiased journalist should ask.
Frank Underwood: (looks at the camera with a slight chuckle) This our stop.
Zoe Barnes: Our?-
(Frank grabs Zoe by the shoulders, spins her around, and throws her in front of an oncoming Aggie Spirit Bus.)
Frank Underwood: (Spitefully) Enjoy the free tuition.
(Cut to black. Long Pause.)

 

Scene 6
(Shot of Koldus exterior. The sun has risen and is heralding in a new morning. Students are shuffling to class. Cut to inside Koldus. Frank walks into his office and sets a copy of the Battalion on his desk. The headline reads: "UNDERWOOD ELECTED STUDENT BODY PRESIDENT." Underneath is a column detailing Joseph's and Michael's removals from the Student Government Association and a column detailing the death of a local reporter. Frank is now alone in his office. He runs his hands along his desk in grave contemplation. He looks up and stares into the camera. After a long pause, he bangs his Aggie ring twice on the table. Cut to black. Democracy is so overrated.)