Tsau Outsources Entire Campaign Team

It was revealed today that Isaiah Tsau, junior marketing major and student body president candidate, hired all members of his campaign team from Rice University. Throughout his campaign, Tsau has stressed the importance of diversity on campus and in local leadership. His crowning achievement was assembling the first campaign staff in Texas A&M history with no caucasian students. Now, Tsau’s staff and his integrity are under question by the student body.

“When I think of A&M, I don’t think of maroon and white,” said Tsau. “I think of maroon and black and brown and yellow. I wanted my campaign team to reflect that vision, and it just was not feasible to find enough socially active and politically minded individuals here in Aggieland.”

“I really thought we would get away with it,” said Daniel Wong, a childhood friend of Tsau’s and his head campaign manager. “Isaiah always told me about his dream of a more culturally diverse A&M, and I just could not say no to helping him achieve it. He is really persuasive.”

Texas A&M is over 60 percent white, though a stroll through west campus makes that number seem closer to 80 or 90 percent. Tsau chose Rice University because of its proximity to A&M and the fact that the campus is less than 40 percent white. Most of his team are friends from back home, but he also hand picked a few ringers.

Political scandals like this are historically hard to come back from, so The Mugdown asked Tsau what this scandal means for his team and himself.

“Well, I guess they won’t need to keep using the fake (Aggie) IDs I made for them, which is a plus,” said Tsau. “Unfortunately, it also might hurt my senators’ chance to get elected. But I already figured that would be an uphill battle, what with them still taking classes at Rice and all.”

-Cactus Jack