BREAKING: MSC Built on Old Minefield
A mysterious hacker group seeking to blackmail the administration at Texas A&M recently discovered a series of emails linking to secret documents from 1951, which detail the shocking reason behind the existence of the Memorial Student Center. What they found was so disturbing that they chose not to seek money for their revelations, but to post the emails publicly, in hopes that students would see the truth.
The Student Center was never intended to be a Memorial. To save money, Texas A&M University built the Student Center over what remained of a minefield from the Mexican-American War. The ground was considered dangerous by local government and was off-limits to citizens, but, as a state university, A&M did not have to obey local law, only state. It is unknown how many mines remain undetonated or how many of the “duds” are actually safe.
The leaked emails are a correspondence between Interim President Mark A. Hussey and our next President, Michael Young, in which Hussey briefs Young on the history and traditions of this university. However, it seems that not all of the history is public.
“According to the documents, the only way [the administration in 1951] figured they could keep [students] off the grass was by saying it was memorial grass.” Hussey states in his alleged email. “Honestly, I’m surprised it worked for so long. I mean, I get honor and all, but, seriously, it’s grass. How is grass in any way valuable to fallen soldiers or grieving families?”
Hussey goes on to warn Young about how times have changed.
“Now, they walk all over it, usually to hold up a banner. Sometimes they need to shorten their trip to the MSC door. I guess I understand summer or early in the Fall semester, when it’s blisteringly hot, but when it’s 70 degrees, would that extra two feet really kill them? What’s funny is not walking the extra two feet to avoid the grass might actually literally kill them. You’re going to have to put out a lot of fires if an accident happens, especially since the explosion would probably light some stuff on fire,” Hussey said.
The relaxed, if not lackadaisical, tone of Hussey’s email is respectful compared to Young’s short reply.
“Really? Banners?” Young said.
The Mugdown has reached out to Mark A. Hussey and Michael Young, but neither has commented. The university is in panic. University representatives are distancing themselves in any way they can, and students are disturbed and terrified at this knowledge: just not disturbed and terrified enough to hold their banner on the sidewalk.
Stay safe, readers.
Zero Dark Eighty
Also known as the seemingly only person still at midnight yell at 1:20 in the morning. We say seemingly because our own Lonely Lighter was still there too. They became quick friends, and since they both get lonely pretty easily, we figured it was probably in both their best interests if we encouraged their friendship.