Wehner 113 to be Renovated by Spirit Airlines after Complaints of Too Much Legroom
“Please make sure your desks are in their full upright position” is a phrase business students may be hearing often next year. Texas A&M announced they would be contracting Spirit Airlines for the renovation of the lecture hall after numerous complaints that the Wehner Building’s Ray Auditorium, Wehner 113, had an excessive amount of legroom.
Many attendants of a crowded Monday lecture vocalized their excitement over the announcement while others discussed some of the room’s current issues they hope will be remedied.
“You can tell how early someone got to class based on how far from the aisle they are. Only people who show up late sit on the aisle. The students who get to class early usually fight over the middle seats because they are the easiest to get out of,” said marketing major and local tall person, William McCormick.
“We placed those rows [of seats] as close together as we thought we could get them, but Spirit assured us that they have been cramming far more bodies into far tighter spaces for years,” said Interim President Mark Hussey. “They promised to squeeze as many students in there as inhumanly possible.”
A number of policy changes will be put in place to minimize the amount of wasted elbowroom and kneespace. One of these changes will include a bag check for all students entering the classroom to ensure all carry-in backpacks have cleared the size limit and can fit under the smaller chairs.
Although expensive, Hussey guaranteed the new renovations will pay for themselves. Aisle seats will come at an extra charge, unless, of course, you are left-handed, in which case you will be free to apply for a handicap chair.
Business class seats will be provided for all business majors, while standing room only space will be available along the back and sides of the lecture hall for business minors. However, for business honors students, first class seats located in the back three rows of the classroom will be made available for purchase at the beginning of each semester. First class seats will include individual armrests, reclining seatbacks, and personal screens so they do not have to look at the same projectors as the commoners.
-Honey Bear
Is the name ironic? Maybe. Maybe not. Honestly, he’s been called that for longer than anyone has known him. He’s a sociopath and we don’t like talking with him very much. So when the man says he’s called Honey Bear, we make damn sure to call him Honey Bear. He gets his articles turned in on time though, so we keep him around.