Senator Caught with Corps Escort

Senator Matt Gee is rising in popularity…but not in the election polls.

Senator Gee, in his first term as a Senator in the Off Campus caucus, was caught this past week in public with a Corps escort.

The Corps of Cadets operates an escort service providing members of the Corps to accompany lonely patrons around campus. The number is surprisingly accessible to all students and can be found on the back of every student ID card.

“I don’t understand why this is such a big deal…he simply walked me to Koldus,” Senator Gee said. “That was it. Nothing more.”

We think there is something more. Late last night, we received correspondence from another Student Senator confirming the rumors to not only be true, but worse than we first believed.

“Yeah, he calls the escort service all the time,” our anonymous source revealed. “He even has a burner phone just for those special calls.” When asked how he learned this information, the anonymous source muttered something about a missing cowboy hat and hung up the phone.

Mugdown asked Senator Gee how he thinks this will affect his chances to win in the midterm elections.

“We don’t have midterms here…” Senator Gee said.

Sounds like a defeated candidate to us. Senator Gee says he will continue to enjoy the escort service as normal and suggests all students to give it a try at least once.

“Nothing quite like having binders full of Cadets!”

-Sbisa Cookie

EAT, or DIE.