Aggie Conservatives Guard Century Tree from LGBT

For Aggies looking to propose, there are few places more romantic than the Century Tree. It’s massive size and arching branches make it a scenic locale, and the long standing tradition surrounding it make the Century Tree the destination of choice for Aggies to get engaged. Not all couples, however, are able to share in this tradition, and as of this week, some students on campus have made an effort to reinforce that fact.

Lately, members of the Texas Aggie Conservatives have been standing guard at the Century Tree, preventing homosexual couples from walking under it.

“The gays aren’t allowed to get married in Texas, so we’re not sure if the tradition will still work,” John Newman, senior agriculture major, said. “I wouldn’t want them to miss out on the magic.”

It is a well known tradition that the person you walk under the century tree with will be your soulmate for life, but if marriage laws don’t change in Texas, will the tradition still apply? Some members of the Aggie Conservatives believe that the tradition could even backfire.

“Let’s say two men walk under [the Century Tree], but since they can’t get married, it refuses to pair them up and instead decides they can never be together. That would be tragic,” Abigail Alders, sophomore poultry science major, said.

“If they could find a way to replant the Century Tree in California, I would be all over that,” Samuel Cook, senior ag leadership major, said. “I just can’t, on my good conscience, let these gay couples take the risk.”

Some couples were initially offended by this, couples like Lisa Kiev and Jenny Wang, but have since reconsidered their opinion on the matter.

“We were just going to walk under the tree as something cute to do, but I never really considered the implications.” Wang said. “I don’t even know Lisa that well. Turns out that’s not even her real name. It’s Molly. I mean, what else is she not telling me?”

The work of the Aggie Conservatives has saved many relationships from tragic decoupling and many singles from making the wrong choice.

“I need to rethink this. I owe these conservative guys big time,” Wang said.

It may not be a fair world for all, but the Texas Aggie Conservatives are fighting for equality and justice for a minority that has suffered greatly from discrimination in this country. Come rain, snow, or shine, you can always find one of their members guarding the Century Tree and standing for what is right.

“True love shall conquer all,” Cook said, “and we intend to see that happen.”

-Samurai Sully