LLAC: How to Not Be a Total Freshman

The Lonely Lighter Advice Column on:
How to Not Be a Total Freshman

Hey Lonely,
I’m a freshman here at Texas A&M, but I keep hearing everyone talk about how annoying and oblivious freshmen are. I don’t want to be “that freshman”.  How does a fish hide that he’s a fish? Any advice for keeping my true self under wraps?
Thanks,
Fish in the Closet

 

Hey Flounder,
There’s no way to stop being a fish, but with enough practice and a few pointers, you may just be able to trick people into thinking you’re something you’re not! If you really want the secret to blending into the more mature, suave crowd, here are a few tips on how not to look like a total freshman.

1. You didn’t actually know yourself in high school. At the very least, who you were in high school was lame. Really think about who you are and make the appropriate changes.
   Most freshmen aren’t brave enough to make bold changes coming right into college, but just going for it really makes you stand out as someone who is mature enough to really know himself or herself on a deeper level. Go by your middle name; drastically change your haircut or hair color; find a tattoo that expresses the new you, and plaster it across your back. Maybe these aren’t even things you want to do, but try them out anyways! Whether you change your wardrobe or your vocabulary, you will be much happier knowing that you chose your identity.
2. Read all of your syllabi before you go to your classes.
   Syllabi are horrendously undervalued tools to classroom success. They are literally written instructions to pass class that semester, and students making A’s in that class will be able to practically quote them. However, don’t think that means you have to read them all. You’ll spend your first week going over syllabi. Pick a class at random and read its syllabus. All syllabi are essentially the same, so you’ll be set for all your classes for the week after that.  If you really want to impress your professors, learn this easy trick for success.
3. You only get one first impression – dress up for class.
   Don’t be that kid who obviously is exercising their newfound independence by not showering.  Professors, TAs, and classmates are deciding, even on that first day, who is worth their time, who really deserves that help on their homework or the extra bump at the end of the semester. Practice your handshake, introduction, and that charming smile and introduce yourself to your professor so that you really can seal the deal. It truly stands out when you are one of the 40 people at the end of class that introduces themselves and reiterates how excited they are for this class!
4. Remember, the lanyard is your most valuable accessory.
   Look around you and count how many of your on-campus-peers are already investing in the handy handless technique of the lanyard. The lanyard is the ideal item to carry your dorm key and Student ID around. Just punch a hole in the corner of your ID and clip it around your neck. You’ll never have to dig for it in your purse or wallet again! Because lanyards come in so many different styles, there is sure to be one out there that matches your personality perfectly!
5. Be sure to Add/Follow everyone you meet on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram as soon as you meet them – maybe even while you’re standing there talking to them.
   IT’S NOT CREEPY. Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram are your social encyclopedia for the next four years. If you want to be able to keep track of everyone you’ve met, you actually have to do this. Most people find their friends don’t care enough. By adding them immediately, it shows how committed you are to your new friendship. Be sure to remind them to accept your friend request! Otherwise, you and your friends will find yourselves horribly embarrassed when you don’t remember each other’s names for the fourth time. Additionally, you will always have something to talk about by bringing up that thing they did in high school that you saw while you were creeping through scrolling past their photos on social media!
6. If you want to be well known and well loved, The Aggie Class of 2018 group on Facebook makes that really easy. (Click HERE to join now!)
   The Aggie Class of 2018 is a great resource for just about anything. Post on the wall all the time to start meaningful discussion with your fellow classmates. Topics ranging anywhere from “What is your spirit animal?” to “How do you feel about abortion/ Obama/healthcare/gay rights/legalization of weed/Gaza/ the fact that children in Africa have no clean water/the possibility of life in outer space?” are all acceptable topics. The more you post, the better you will be known. Even consider starting your campaign for Student Body President or Junior Yell Leader right now!
7. Experiment.
   This can generally be left up to your own interpretation. Go forth and conquer.
8. Never forget that today could be the day you meet your future husband/wife.
   Someone is always watching, and you never know if that someone could actually be “The One”. Believe what you want to, but very reliable sources on Yahoo Answers tell me that a great majority of people have already met their future spouse by age 18. THAT IS YOUR AGE. YOU COULD LITERALLY MEET THEM IN YOUR NEXT CLASS. With this in mind, don’t hesitate to sit next to that cutie you’ve been eyeing on the third row or to say yes to that Fish in the Corps who has now asked you to Midnight Yell for the third time.
9. Speak exclusively in Aggie-isms and acronyms.
   If you want to prove that you really know the culture at Texas A&M, say “Howdy” to everyone you pass. Use words like “Good Bull” and “Redass” often. Learn what “Poor Yorick’s” was and where “The Quad” is. The acronyms are just as important as the colloquialisms.  If you don’t know what the letters MSC, HECC, O&M, FHK, FLO, DG, BG, CT, BQ, RA, TA, CA, GA, CStat, TAMC, NG, DD, IGDIYT, TFM, and GDI signify, you will be totally lost. Don’t worry, your phone’s autocorrect will catch up soon enough.
10. Join lots and lots and lots of organizations.
    You quickly learn that the only way to feel like a part of Texas A&M is to get involved on campus. Organizations are a great way to meet people and put to good use all that free time. When your mom starts to worry about when you will have time to study for that big math exam, just kindly remind her that it’s not the grades you make, but the hands you shake. The Aggie Network doesn’t have its renown for nothing.

 I hope this article will help you navigate your freshman year, Flounder. Follow these simple rules and I promise no one will ever know you’re a fish!
With love,
Lonely Lighter

P.S. Fake ID’s from Rhode Island are the best way not to look like a freshman on Northgate.

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