Excess Dining Dollars Cause Campus to Break Out in Polite Fights

Several verbal arguments have broken out over the past week between students in line to pay for food at campus eateries. With the semester ending in nine days, many students are in a panic to spend the last of their dining dollars on campus. Students have been seen at Sbisa flagging down random bystanders to eat on their dime. It is not uncommon to see the same at the Commons.

Most recently two freshmen commons residents were seen shouting compliments and niceties back and forth in an effort to pay for the other’s meal. Witnesses say the stalemate was reached when the friends both reached for their student ID cards at the same time.

“I was in the greater need,” said Shannon Calhoun, one of the students attempting to pay. “I had a higher balance than Liz so clearly I had the right-of-pay.”

One witness account claimed that Calhoun boxed out her friend to keep her from reaching the cash register first.

Elizabeth Smith was the other student, or “victim” as she told the Mugdown.

“My parents bought me the $1800 meal plan because I’m their first kid to go to college,” Smith said. “I’m 5’3” and I weigh 106 pounds. I can’t spend that on food!

Calhoun eventually prevailed in paying despite the verbal argument, which lasted a reported three minutes. Similar outbreaks have been reported in Sbisa, Panda Express, and the MSC food court.

Campus officials hope that the problem will be solved with the new meal plan options coming in the fall.

-Commons Lobbyist