Could This Be the University Center’s Most Offensive Picture Yet?
Many students have taken note of the larger-than-life photographs popping up around campus as a part of University Center’s push to destroy the lives of students. The pictures range from students standing on the seal of Koldus to relaxing on the grass of the MSC. But perhaps the most offensive is the picture of several students walking underneath the Century Tree.
The photograph depicting head yell leader Roy May, a squirrel, an Indian student, and two ethnically ambiguous but diverse students, shows the group smiling under the branches of the sacred tree.
It is a well-known fact that anyone who dares walk under the tree alone will be alone forever, and alternatively any couples that walk under will suffer a long marriage.
The photo campaign has been linked to an employee of the University Center who reportedly walked under the tree in his teen years by accident. It appears the vindictive photo campaign is his attempt to make unaware students join in his suffering, by walking on seals and never graduating, or entering eternal loneliness at the hands of the century tree.
The University Center released a statement but could not be reached for comment. The statement released by Director Bill Bielamowicz stated, “We are investigating for any link between the pictures and tradition violations, but I think the pictures are just great.”
Bielamowicz is pictured prominently in the newest poster in Rudder Forum where he and Johnny Manziel are wearing flat-billed hats inside of the MSC.
The Mugdown reached out to students to see how the campaign was affecting them. Sixth-year senior and Leadership Studies major, Edward Collins explained that he was quite unaware of the photos altogether.
“I don’t know what pictures you’re talking about,” he explained. “But I walk on the seals all the time.”
The effects of the propaganda are not clear and likely will not be clear for many years until the tradition voodoo has worked its magic and students realize that they are not graduating and are alone forever.
-Commons Lobbyist
Everyone’s favorite person to talk to on their break at work: the guy obsessed with politics. You’ve been working for five hours now and nothing is more sacred to you than this all too short half hour to relax, but guess who’s waiting in the break room for someone to talk to. Again. Sure, try and quote that headline you read two or three months ago. It doesn’t matter, the Commons Lobbyist knows he’s better informed than you. He could smell it on you as soon as you rounded that corner.