Student Starts Fraternity Run On Monarchy. Declares Himself “King of the Frat”
So long as there is a head, a student organization is free to structure itself however it sees fit. Few realize just how much freedom Texas A&M’s Department of Student Activities actually allows, better than his grace, Jeffrey of the House Bartison, King of the Pledges and the Frat Stars, Lord of the Seven Paddles, and Protector of the Bids.
Inspired by the premiere of the fourth season of Game of Thrones, Bartison has modeled a new fraternity, with an internal structure based off that of a monarchy. In a move that is shockingly completely within the guidelines laid out by the Department of Student Activities, Bartison has officially declared himself King of the Frat.
“Not only can anybody start their own fraternity, but they don’t even have to follow a presidential system.” said Bartison. “Bro, democracy is so overrated.”
When asked what his rule may look like, Bartison said, “I take inspiration from a lot of characters. Khal Brogo and Jon Bro are true frat daddys. But, in the end, I love Stannis the Mannis. The stag’s got swag.”
The largest hurdle Bartison is facing is the issue of succession. He must either provide an heir or risk being overthrown by a directionless kingdom. Current candidates for usurpation are the Stannimal, a local frat star, and Kelly C, an exchange student from the east.
Despite these challenges, Bartison has already begun creating a whole new Westerosi brocabulary that only brothers will be privy to. Leaked words currently include the renaming of Hart Hall to Harrenhal, Bolton Hall to the Dreadfort, and Hodart Hall to, of course, Hodor Hall.
Ser Jamie Lancaster, a member of the “Beersguard”, explained that part of initiation into the fraternity will include taking pledges on their first excursion to Northgate or “North of the Wall” to throw some wildling parties. Not many venture far enough north to get past the wall on a normal day, but even these days, the Night’s Watch manages to keep three castles manned: the Hullaballoo Tower, Castle Block-er, and Zachry-by-the-sea.
When asked what he meant by the Night’s Watch, Lancaster merely chuckled and said, “Crows before Hoes.”
-Honey Bear
Is the name ironic? Maybe. Maybe not. Honestly, he’s been called that for longer than anyone has known him. He’s a sociopath and we don’t like talking with him very much. So when the man says he’s called Honey Bear, we make damn sure to call him Honey Bear. He gets his articles turned in on time though, so we keep him around.