Student Fulfills Quest to Become Johnny Football for a Day

Everyone can remember spending full days of childhood dreaming about what life would be like as their favorite celebrity. We have all imagined life as Brittney, Michael Jordan, or some other moderately successful and probably physically attractive human being.

But what would you give up for this chance? For Stephan Goldingbloom, the answer is mostly measured in time. Goldingbloom, freshman biochemical engineering major, has logged thousands of hours of his free time working on a project he says is life changing.

Goldingbloom has spent much of his year working on perfecting a polyjuice potion, which he plans to use to experience a day in the life of Johnny Football.

“I know we are all Johnny Football fans here, but I think I win. Do you know anyone else who has spent full nights picking fluxweed under a full moon? What about catching lacewings and grinding them into powder? That’s what I thought,” Goldingbloom said.

Goldingbloom, who says he has always considered himself slightly above sports because he had such a strong brain, began work on his project shortly after the infamous game in Tuscaloosa.

“I just loved watching Johnny play, and decided to use my more than capable mind to figure out what his life is like,” Goldingbloom said.

When asked how he retrieved the hair necessary to complete the Manziel polyjuice potion, Goldingbloom looked up and gave a smile.

“You’d be surprised what a fish will do for $5.”

At this time, Goldingbloom was not yet a student, but he was not at all worried about getting into his university of choice.

“I’d been raised to believe that Texas A&M is the best school in the country, and I refuse to question that statement. This university combines intelligence, friendliness, and pure attractiveness in the same way I will once I become Johnny Football. I mean, just for the one day. That’s all. I would definitely never even think to take this too far. Like, I really do like living as me too, I promise. I would never want a permanent change or anything,” Goldingbloom said.

Goldingbloom says he is most looking forward to the attention he will get from girls around campus, voluntarily adding that he does not think that he has spoken to a female human being since he began his quest to be Like Johnny.

“No wait! The person who checks my student ID at school! She’s a woman!” Goldingbloom said.

-Revelicious
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This article is the fourth in a series. This week The Mugdown is celebrating Harry Potter Week in support of the undefeated Texas A&M Quidditch Team as they prepare for the Quidditch World Cup this upcoming weekend.

Other Harry Potter Week Posts:
The Marooner’s Map
Student Wildly Misunderstood about OWLs
On-Campus Dorms to be Sorted into Houses
The Sorting of Johnny Manziel