New Kyle Field to Leave 12 Seats Half Empty…or Half Full
There has been more than a little controversy surrounding the renovation of Texas A&M University’s Kyle FieldTM. Perhaps, chief among these is the announcement that 12 seats would be left empty to honor Fallen AggiesTM and the Twelfth ManTM.
The scandal stems from public backlash in the belief that the 12 empty seats are a publicity stunt or a shallow attempt to promote the A&MTM brand and not to actually commemorate Fallen AggiesTM. Some Aggies have stated that 12 filled seats would better represent The Spirit of the Twelfth ManTM than 12 empty seats.
Chancellor John Sharp recently issued a response to any upset Aggies. “This is to honor and remember all Aggies who have passed! When each game is televised I guarantee they will feature [these] seats. It will further solidify our ownership of the 12th man [and] it would be a big mistake not to do this.” said Sharp, “Don’t quote me on that, by the way. It’s illegal to write the words Twelfth Man without paying royalties.”
The statement did little to relieve the Aggies following the news of The Kyle Field Renovate-athonTM. Sharp has since retracted his previous statements. “Apparently the Twelfth Man is not as loyal as I thought. This may sound like appeasement, but I assure you that it only sounds that way because it is. I will meet you halfway. We will only leave the seats half empty.”
The implications of the report are not entirely understood at this moment, but since the announcement, a few idealists have argued that this means that the seats will likely be half full. However, critics of Sharp’s handling of the empty seats have insisted they will remain just that: half empty. These pessimists have chosen to optimistically refer to themselves as “realists”.
The current debate is over Sharp’s vague use of the word “half”. Aggies are presently speculating whether this means that only 6 of the seats will be filled with people or if all 12 seats will be filled, but only halfway.
This breaks down even further as supporters of the “12 Seats Half-Filled” theory argue over the many possible interpretations for how a seat could be filled with only “half” a person: children, little people, double amputees, or Charlie Strong.
-Honey Bear
Is the name ironic? Maybe. Maybe not. Honestly, he’s been called that for longer than anyone has known him. He’s a sociopath and we don’t like talking with him very much. So when the man says he’s called Honey Bear, we make damn sure to call him Honey Bear. He gets his articles turned in on time though, so we keep him around.