Thursday, November 21, 2024
Texas A&M's First Satirical Newspaper, Since 1875


BLESSINGGATE: Gus Blessing Casually Drops “Gus Bless You” into Conversation


Campus has been hit by a new marketing strategy from Gus Blessing’s Student Body President campaign.

The Believe In Blessing team has decided to capitalize on flu season by shouting ‘Gus Bless You’ whenever somebody sneezes.

“Half of campus has the sniffles and the other half has allergies, the opportunity was too good to miss” said Shelby Taylor, public relations executive for the Blessing campaign.

During this overwhelming campaign season, many students are bogged down with meetings, banners and organizational speaking. Thus, casual conversation has become a more prominent campaigning grounds for candidates, because your friends helping out with campaigns weren’t obnoxious enough already.

“It’s perfect because I can both be polite in conversation after somebody sneezes and also plug the best SBP candidate. It really gets the word out, and nobody finds it irritating in the slightest.” said Gus Blessing with a wink.

“I may not know a lot of football players or Aggie athletes,” said Blessing, “but I do know that everybody sneezes.”

While the “Gus Bless you” campaign tactic has already begun to ingrain itself into campus, many are not aware of a fact that the Blessing campaign team has tried to keep underwrap.

Blessing supporters have started internally calling themselves “Beliebers”.

“It is a way for those of us who Believe in Blessing to unite together under a common name, and it is definitely not a PR coverup for Gus Blessing’s unadulterated love for Justin Bieber.” said Taylor.

Blessing said, “I don’t care if you’re fat or skinny, white or black, Christian or Atheist . . .”

(This continued for about five minutes)

“Gay or normal,  even if you’re a two percenter,” Blessing said, “everyone can be a Belieber.”

“Gus bless you. Gus bless each and everyone of you.”

-Sbisa Cookie