COLLEGE STATION, TX – At the Mandatory Candidates Meeting on Sunday, Election Commissioner, Allison Krenzien announced a dramatic new change to the 2014 Election Regulations.
“This campaign season, videos promoting student body elections cannot feature any music from the band Explosions in the Sky.” Krenzien said.
The uproar from the candidates was immediate. Within minutes, half the Senators in the room began drafting a bill to declare the ban unconstitutional. Richmond Howard’s manager Gracie Wood stared at Krenzien in disbelief. Patrick McGinity, who was not aware Explosions in the Sky was a band, started to whimper and embrace Roy May.
Explosions in the Sky is a popular instrumental band that formed in Austin, TX and since 1999 has served as the default soundtrack for various student body election videos at Texas A&M.
As Krenzien attempted to calm the candidates down by justifying her decision, Thomas McNutt stormed through the back door carrying a table which he proceeded to set down and flip over.
“What do you mean we can’t use Explosions in the Sky? What else are we supposed to use? [Allison] has completely crippled this campaign season!” said McNutt as he handed Patrick McGinity a box of tissues. He then realized where he was and proceeded to back out of the room slowly, but not before offering Allison a fruit cake from Collin Street Bakery, where he now works full time.
With the Election Commission controlling promotional video soundtracks, candidates wondered what else they could control.
“Can we at least continue to film montages of monuments around campus, then film a far away shot of the candidate while the camera zooms in for a Gig ‘Em shot, then one unfocused blurry shot, all completed with a voice over by the candidate saying he is here to serve the students? Then can we finally post it on Vimeo so that people take us more seriously? Or is that banned too!?” rambled Gus Blessing. Krenzien consented and said that she would expect nothing less.
Krenzien closed the meeting by explaining that while this is a big decision, it is for the best.
After unsuccessfully trying to start a “BTHO Explosions in the Sky” yell, Krenzien simply shrugged and said, “Together, we will Gig the Vote!”
A living testament to the fact that the pen is mightier than the sword. We once saw him stab a dude with a pen. There was blood and ink everywhere. It was awesome. He never gets his articles turned in on time though, so some wonder why we keep him around. Did we mention he once stabbed a dude with a pen?