Howdy Prompts Existential Crisis Howdy Prompts Existential Crisis
Sophomore Jacob Evans was just a “regular, carefree student” until yesterday, according to his roommates. Early Tuesday afternoon, Evans instinctively responded “Howdy” to a... Howdy Prompts Existential Crisis

Sophomore Jacob Evans was just a “regular, carefree student” until yesterday, according to his roommates. Early Tuesday afternoon, Evans instinctively responded “Howdy” to a friend as they passed in the hallway of Blocker after class. Suddenly realizing the implications of his actions, Evans began to question the very nature of his existence.

“What does it even mean?” Evans asked the Mugdown. “Did I say ‘Howdy’ because I wanted to or because I’ve been conditioned to?”

Uncertain of whether major lifestyle choices were of his own choosing or whether he was merely a product of societal persuasion, Evans became unwound and erratic. He has questioned whether standing at games even makes sense anymore or whether doing something twice actually justifies a tradition.  His roommates claimed that Evans pondered for hours on end about whether repeating a tradition for its own sake was worth it or contained any meaning at all.

They showed our reporter around, pointing out, “thats him in the corner, thats him in the spotlight, losing his tradition”. He could be heard mumbling to himself something about “The Spirit” and “chigaroogarem.”  

As the day continued, they noticed that the underclassman psychology major continued to appear unstable, and was overheard calling his parents and asking if his first word, “mama,” was his choice or because his mother had repeated it to him so many times.

“Did I even choose to come to A&M?” Evans pondered, “or was it just the inevitable consequence of thousands of decisions my parents made?”

-Commons Lobbyist

 

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Commons Lobbyist

Everyone’s favorite person to talk to on their break at work: the guy obsessed with politics. You’ve been working for five hours now and nothing is more sacred to you than this all too short half hour to relax, but guess who’s waiting in the break room for someone to talk to. Again. Sure, try and quote that headline you read two or three months ago. It doesn’t matter, the Commons Lobbyist knows he’s better informed than you. He could smell it on you as soon as you rounded that corner.

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