In a strange twist of fate, two Texas A&M students became gay today after walking, and then eventually prancing, under the century tree together. The students, Marcus Gladden and Tanner Elliott, have been friends since high school, and they say the event was an accident.
“We were pretty late to a fish camp counselor meeting, so we were just hurrying and not really paying attention to where we were going,” Elliott explained. “By the time we realized what had happened, it was too late. We went into the tree with an appropriate 18 inches of buffer space between us, but we came out holding hands.”
“This isn’t exactly the way I saw my romantic life ending up. Marcus is a great guy, but he’s just never really been my type,” Gladden said, “But what are you going to do? We have these rules for a reason and we have to respect that.”
The two friends were already planning to get an apartment together next semester and are now even more excited to do so. However, they maintain that they are both just hapless pawns in the unforgiving chess game of Aggie traditions. Gladden said he’s just happy they didn’t accidentally step on the MSC grass and have to commit seppuku.
Elliott said he is planning on breaking the news to his parents later this week but that he is confident they’ll take it well, as he comes from a very traditional aggie family with a deep respect for Texas A&M’s culture.
“My parents always raised me to be a red-ass, and I know they’ll understand when I explain that this red-ass will now be squeezing into much tighter pants,” Elliott said, but he went on to admit that he is scared to tell his now ex-girlfriend about her new title.
When asked how their new sexual identities will affect their lives in the future, Elliott revealed that he is now planning on picking up a theatre minor. Additionally, Gladden said he will continue to work out at the Rec in tight tank tops.