COLLEGE STATION, TX — Rumors about the famed and beloved Texas A&M University mascot, Reveille VIII, are circulating of a possible pregnancy for the First Lady of Aggieland.
It is no secret that Miss Rev is prone to take naps virtually everywhere she goes, but it seems to have escalated recently. This sudden onset of exhaustion is a typical sign of pregnancy, but this evidence by itself is not a definitive indication of a future litter.
“This decision [for Reveille VIII to retire] was reached in consultation with her veterinarians at the College of Veterinary Medicine & Biomedical Sciences,” interim president Mark Hussey wrote in the email sent out to the student body. This is a clear attempt by the University to prevent a scandal.
Any pregnancy out of wedlock causes raised eyebrows, especially at one of the most conservative schools in America. So a pregnant, single mascot is anything but ideal. However, it is also possible that the veterinarian staff has identified the possible risks facing a pregnant Reveille.
With the recent announcement of her retirement, suspicions have begun to grow. Retiring at the age of nine is relatively young; most of her predecessors went on to serve for at least ten years. It is possible that a life of constant naps in full sized beds and a fanatic adoration by the student body drew her to an early retirement. Yet, rumors of a particularly exciting “nap” continue to confirm the suspicion that Miss Rev is in fact pregnant.
But if those two factors were not convincing enough, recall the events of Saturday, Sept. 20. When Miss Rev was about to be the victim of a brutal collision, her handler Ryan Kreider made the defensive move of the day by body checking Southern Methodist University’s wide receiver out of the way. As one of the only people with knowledge of her “situation”, this was obviously a move to protect not only Reveille, but her puppies.
“I was just doing my job,” said Kreider. “I have to protect the future, er, present of Aggieland.”
The protection Kreider provided was paramount to the future of Texas A&M’s mascot chain, as Reveille X will likely come from this litter of puppies.
The facts are almost undeniable. Lady Rev is pregnant. Only one question remains: who is the father?
-Lone Star Lady and Beutel Call