Find Your Perfect Major

**Go on a journey to discover your perfect college major! Read the descriptions, then click on the action you want to take.** <img src=http://i.imgur.com/veG8NYA.jpg width="500" height="300"> You are now a freshman in General Studies. Life is good because you’re only a freshman and the existential dread hasn’t set in yet, beer is free because you’re too young to buy it so you just steal it from parties you go to, and FLOs are still a relevant part of your life. [[Check your email ironically, as a joke, because you don’t have any real responsibilities]]

<img src=http://i.imgur.com/QYf03b2.jpg width="500" height="300" alt=intro2> Oh no! What in the name of Reveille’s perfectly shaped, springy little dog teats is this? An email from your advisor? It says you’re a waste of resources and time, you’re being forced out of General Studies! [[Feel the existential dread start to seep in]]

<img src=http://i.imgur.com/BuxCnT7.jpg width="500" height="300" alt=intro3> You start to hyperventilate, the walls are closing in! You suddenly remember that time in 6th grade when you tried to kiss Shelley Schaeffer but she spit on you. Life has no meaning! Truth is an illusion! [[Reach desperately for a nearby letter opener, and the sweet release of the void]]

<img src=http://i.imgur.com/vONFb3Z.jpg width="500" height="300"> Woah, woah! It’s going to be okay bud! Cool down. You can do it, we’re here to help. But fair warning: finding your perfect major isn’t going to be easy. It’s a long, arduous journey full of work, research, self-doubt, and early male pattern baldness (even for the girls). But at the end of it all you’ll be rewarded with a college degree! And then a lifetime of doing the same thing every single day until you die. You have to start the long, painful journey somewhere, so you settle in and look at a brochure of college majors, do any of these interest you? [[Art]] [[Turfgrass Science]] [[None of the above]]

<img src=http://i.imgur.com/1c53Wwy.jpg width="500" height="300"> Congratulations! Your perfect college major is: **ART** That didn’t take long at all. If you already knew you liked art then why did you even take this quiz? All that’s left now is to find a university that actually offers your major. The “A” in A&M doesn’t stand for art, so get the hell out of our college. [[Reset from checkpoint and play again ->Reach desperately for a nearby letter opener, and the sweet release of the void]]

<img src=http://i.imgur.com/PGjBHVM.jpg width="500" height="300"> Congratulations! Your perfect college major is: **Turfgrass Science** That didn’t take long at all, why did you even take this quiz? We only asked you like one question. Enjoy spending the rest of your life literally watching grass grow. [[Reset from checkpoint and play again ->Reach desperately for a nearby letter opener, and the sweet release of the void]]

<img src=http://i.imgur.com/3Oro1w5.jpg width="500" height="300"> That’s fine, no shame in taking your time to find the right major. In fact, maybe you shouldn’t even be looking at majors right now. You had a pretty stressful day, and that letter opener is still calling your name. Maybe you need to slow down and take a step back. [[Take a bubble bath to clear your head]] [[Play video games and escape the stress]] [[No, stop procrastinating! You need to get this done now or you won’t do it.]]

<img src=http://i.imgur.com/thhmdeq.jpg width="500" height="300"> You soak in the tub, a glass of wine in one hand and a special waterproof edition of ‘Nights in Rodanthe’ by Nicholas Sparks in the other. This is just what you needed… or is it? Maybe you’re //too// comfortable. Maybe that’s why your life isn’t going anywhere. You need to get out of your comfort zone! [[Join the Corps of Cadets]] [[Abandon all of your possessions, leave your friends behind, and join a new religion ->Join the Corps of Cadets]] [[Try out that new shampoo you bought last week]]

<img src=http://i.imgur.com/qMFhO5F.jpg width="500" height="300"> You flop down on the couch and turn on your Xbox, but what game to play? [[Barbie Horse Adventures: Wild Horse Rescue]] [[Call of Duty]] [[On second thought, watch Netflix]]

<img src=http://i.imgur.com/znzdNjK.jpg width="500" height="300"> Are you sure you don’t want to procrastinate? You only just got the news today, and you took it pretty hard. You have plenty of time. You might want to relax. [[Take a bubble bath to clear your head]] [[Play video games and escape the stress]] [[I definitely want to do this right now]]

<img src=http://i.imgur.com/VLPrGfN.jpg width="500" height="300"> Welcome to your new life in the Corps of Cadets! You’ve done the paperwork, and the other paperwork, and the rest of the paperwork, and filled out the forms. Now you have to choose an outfit. [[E-2]] [[Sq. 17]] [[A-1]]

<img src=http://i.imgur.com/iWJxhLE.jpg width="500" height="300"> Hey this new shampoo is pretty cool. Smells like lavender! Wait, it doubles as hand soap? Cool! It also doubles as dishwashing soap! Is there anything this soap can’t do? ...What?! It’s also a toothpaste?! Get outta town! There has to be a catch right? [[Read the fine print]] [[Stay blissfully ignorant]]

<img src=http://i.imgur.com/ca1fTVe.jpg width="500" height="300"> Oooh, sorry, they’re too cool for you. Pick again. [[Sq. 17]] [[A-1]]

<img src=http://i.imgur.com/ca1fTVe.jpg width="500" height="300"> Oooh, sorry, they’re too cool for you. Pick again. [[E-2]] [[A-1]]

<img src=http://i.imgur.com/77bRKDk.jpg width="500" height="300"> Ahhhh, right where you belong. Company A-1. The steakiest, sauciest cadets on campus. [[Drop off your stuff (just kidding you’re not allowed to have stuff) then head to Duncan Dining Hall for chow.]]

<img src=http://i.imgur.com/ekj8TZ0.jpg width="500" height="300"> A sophomore yells “there’s no lines in Duncan” in your ear, then swats a nearby high school spend-the-nighter across the face with a food tray, knocking the kid out cold. [[Start throwing elbows and jump into the fray for food]]

<img src=http://i.imgur.com/N5nZBIn.jpg width="500" height="300"> You come out of the mix alive but pretty banged up. Time to see what food you managed to collect. [[Beans]]

<img src=http://i.imgur.com/11fvZnr.jpg width="500" height="300"> Beans? That’s it? That’s all you managed to get?! You hate beans! They’re so slimy and gross! Blech! You’re not going to eat this. Maybe joining the Corps was a bad idea. [[Get up to leave]]

<img src=http://i.imgur.com/E1qN5tf.jpg width="500" height="300"> The sophomore who yelled at you earlier comes sauntering over to your table, the limp body of the high schooler slung over one shoulder. He gives you a sinister grin with his 18 red-ass remaining teeth. He lowers himself down so his face is right against yours. He inhales. [[Cringe expectantly]]

<img src=http://i.imgur.com/ewc7PkM.jpg width="500" height="300"> “EAT YOUR BEANS FISH!!” the sophomore bellows with a voice that sounds like it brushes its teeth with tree bark and gargles with gravel. [[Start to cry, because you just hate beans that much]]

<img src=http://i.imgur.com/qfKUhXi.jpg width="500" height="300"> Is this rock bottom? [[Yes]] [[No]]

<img src=http://i.imgur.com/yEzOTXe.jpg width="500" height="300"> No it's not. [[Cry so hard that you puke, then pass out.]]

<img src=http://i.imgur.com/yEzOTXe.jpg width="500" height="300"> You're right, it's about to get worse. [[Cry so hard that you puke, then pass out.]]

<img src=http://i.imgur.com/2FUWACj.jpg width="500" height="300"> You wake up in a blank white room, there doesn’t seem to be any doors or windows, or any walls, or anything at all actually. Everything is just white. It’s like being inside a ping pong ball. [[Pinch yourself to see if you’re dreaming]] [[Try to do that ‘Inception’ thing where you fold the world in half to see if you’re dreaming.]]

<img src=http://i.imgur.com/IOJCAjH.jpg width="500" height="300"> You don’t feel anything, but you do have very weak fingers… for now we’ll just assume you’re dreaming. [[Walk around and see if you can find anything.]]

<img src=http://i.imgur.com/IOJCAjH.jpg width="500" height="300"> You try. Maybe it worked and maybe it didn’t, there aren’t really any landmarks to be able to tell since it’s all just white everywhere. In hindsight that was kind of a stupid choice. [[Walk around and see if you can find anything.]]

<img src=http://i.imgur.com/hr4Sxec.jpg width="500" height="300"> You start to walk but are overcome with a sudden pain in your stomach, you fall to the ground in agony and start to pant. [[Push]]

<img src=http://i.imgur.com/pJ2cMBq.jpg width="500" height="300"> You strain with frenzy but not much is happening. [[Keep pushing]]

<img src=http://i.imgur.com/CE16nns.jpg width="500" height="300"> It hurts! You can feel it moving inside you! [[Almost there!]]

<img src=http://i.imgur.com/PZbZXIv.jpg width="500" height="300"> With a final push you give birth to a cute, miniature version of yourself. The little one looks up at you and screams for food. [[Feed the child]]

<img src=http://i.imgur.com/ludpdPd.jpg width="500" height="300"> You look around for food but you’re too poor to afford anything but cans of beans! [[Feed the miniature-you the beans]] [[Try to wet-nurse miniature-you]]

<img src=http://i.imgur.com/2pqPJB1.jpg width="500" height="300"> The little one eats the beans… at first. But he soon grows tired of them. He’s a growing boy, he needs meat! You search frantically but can’t find anything but beans in this hellscape. The young one is growing quickly, his baby teeth fall out all at once in a Chiclet-rain and clatter against the dream floor. His adult fangs grow in and he bares them at you, hostile. He needs meat! [[Fight the man-baby]] [[Surrender to the will of the dream]]

<img src=http://i.imgur.com/2pqPJB1.jpg width="500" height="300"> You hold the young one to your chest and encourage him to suckle. But instead he takes a bite out of your flesh. You look down, horrified, but see no blood. You realize you’ve turned into a giant bean! The baby continues to gnaw at you. [[Just lay there, like the giant legume you now are.]]

<img src=http://i.imgur.com/uZ2nhq0.jpg width="500" height="300"> The feral, man-baby version of you charges. He howls with the fury of a thousand Rob Gronkowskis and his fangs tear into your shoulder. [[Bite the man-baby back]] [[Punch it in the face]]

<img src=http://i.imgur.com/FU9gFcv.jpg width="500" height="300"> You slump to your knees, then to your stomach. The man-baby that is also you eats his way through your flesh as the floating head of your dead father appears above you and speaks, “I told you when the time came you would understand my sacrifice. All that once was, is now what it is...what it is.” Your dead father’s head slowly fades from sight. [[Wake up]]

<img src=http://i.imgur.com/FU9gFcv.jpg width="500" height="300"> The little one eats his way through the rest of what was once your body as the floating head of your dead father appears above you and speaks, “I told you when the time came you would understand my sacrifice. All that once was, is now what it is...what it is.” Your dead father’s head slowly fades from sight. [[Wake up]]

<img src=http://i.imgur.com/ClBK5I9.jpg width="500" height="300"> Congratulations! Your perfect college major is: **Construction Science** You don’t know what the hell just happened to you, but after all of that you need to fill your life with something tangible and concrete. No more of this psychological stuff, man. [[Reset from checkpoint and play again ->None of the above]]

<img src=http://i.imgur.com/FU9gFcv.jpg width="500" height="300"> Your teeth tear into the flesh of the creature and you like the taste. You devour the feral infant version of yourself piece by piece. When you’ve finished, the disembodied head of your dead father appears in the sky and speaks, “Son, know that I am proud of you. From this day forth all of your beans will be gold. And although that may sound dumb, because then they won’t be edible, remember that you don’t like beans, so you haven’t lost anything and you can sell them for profit.” [[Wake up -> Wake up1]]

<img src=http://i.imgur.com/PePYZeM.jpg width="500" height="300"> You punch the creature, but it just shakes the punch off like no big deal. This thing is like Dolph Lundgren, if Dolph Lundgren were a man-sized, fanged, infant version of himself. The baby screams again, and the ghost of your father floats out from his throat. Your ghost father speaks, “I am raised from the dead. I have been brought back to you by Slovacek Sausage, the official sausage of Aggie Athletics.” [[Wake up -> Wake up2]]

<img src=http://i.imgur.com/2scu4xq.jpg width="500" height="300"> Congratulations! Your perfect college major is: **Management** Every bean you touch turns to gold now, baby! Yuh, making money! You’re going to be a CEO! You’ll have such a successful business that even the guy you pay to wipe for you will have an intern. [[Reset from checkpoint and play again ->None of the above]]

<img src=http://i.imgur.com/7OfWlrN.jpg width="500" height="300"> Congratulations! Your perfect college major is: **English** You clearly have some deep-seated demons, and you need to find a creative outlet. We’re worried about you. Try to channel some of those pent-up emotions onto paper. [[Reset from checkpoint and play again ->None of the above]]

<img src=http://i.imgur.com/EYugjc2.jpg width="500" height="300"> "Made from 14% sodium hydroxide, 15% tallow, 35% finely ground baby koala meat, and 46% even finer ground baby koala meat." [[This is an outrage!]] [[Eh, I hear koalas carry chlamydia anyway]] [[Wait... that adds up to 120%]]

<img src=http://i.imgur.com/CPZQH9v.jpg width="500" height="300"> Congratulations! Your perfect major is: **Journalism** You are happy to remain blissfully ignorant of the fact that print media and journalistic integrity are dead. Enjoy going back to school in your 30’s after losing your job to a 14-year-old blogger name Tilde. [[Reset from checkpoint and play again ->Take a bubble bath to clear your head]]

<img src=http://i.imgur.com/Ft9HhYU.jpg width="500" height="300"> Unable to contain the righteous burning fury of your indignation, you quickly google the shampoo company’s corporate headquarters. It’s not far from here! You have to go say something. You’re in college so your opinion matters, you can change the world! [[Run out the door to give that company a piece of your mind]]

<img src=http://i.imgur.com/gS21H25.jpg width="500" height="300"> Congratulations! Your perfect major is: **Sports Management** You’re probably an athlete so it’s a good thing you don’t care about STDs because you’ll actually be majoring in getting laid. [[Reset from checkpoint and play again ->Take a bubble bath to clear your head]]

<img src=http://i.imgur.com/J1wsBdq.jpg width="500" height="300"> Congratulations! Your perfect major is: **Industrial Distribution** You’re always bragging about your difficult engineering major, but if you were a real engineer you’d have realized you did the math wrong, it added up to 110% not 120% [[Reset from checkpoint and play again ->Take a bubble bath to clear your head]]

<img src=http://i.imgur.com/ZJM6EKw.jpg width="500" height="300"> As you run on the way to your holy koala crusade, something starts to tickle the back of your mind… what are you forgetting? ...Wait. It’s almost 5pm! If you don’t get there soon they’ll be closed until Monday! [[Shortcut through a dimly lit park]] [[Shortcut through a well lit park]]

<img src=http://i.imgur.com/KIweA0P.jpg width="500" height="300"> You run into the dim park, but something is still tickling the back of your mind. And tickling other places too... running like this feels really good, freeing even. Running normally sucks, why does this feel so good? [[Realize that in your hurry to get out of the bath and out the door, you never got dressed-> Realize2]]

<img src=http://i.imgur.com/KIweA0P.jpg width="500" height="300"> You run into the bright park, but something is still tickling the back of your mind. And tickling other places too... running like this feels really good, freeing even. Running normally sucks, why does this feel so good? [[Realize that in your hurry to get out of the bath and out the door, you never got dressed.]]

<img src=http://i.imgur.com/zNoX2g9.jpg width="500" height="300"> Whoops. [[Also realize you googled the company’s location from the bath, while your hands were covered in that damn koala soap.]]

<img src=http://i.imgur.com/W29Am3b.jpg width="500" height="300"> Well your phone is soapy and dead forever now, and you’re naked in a park. Worse, It’s a well lit park. Nowhere to hide. [[Suddenly smash face-first into the ground as a park ranger tazes you from behind]]

<img src=http://i.imgur.com/PV83StS.jpg width="500" height="300"> You lie on the ground, twitching and floundering as the park ranger approaches. [[“You’ll never take me alive”]] [[See where this goes]]

<img src=http://i.imgur.com/haCoz6x.jpg width="500" height="300"> You try to yell out your battle cry but end up just gurgling, “Yorhm, neyer tekel meengeisshhkg”. You try to defend yourself from the park ranger but your body is not cooperating. You flail around like a dead fish at a Daft Punk concert. The park ranger keeps his distance, cautious. But he slowly begins to watch you with wonder and amazement. Your body is a graceful fish in the wind, you move and writhe first this way and then that. The park ranger is brought to tears by the beauty of your movements. [[Smile as best you can with all that electricity contorting your lips.]]

<img src=http://i.imgur.com/JYKcjLq.jpg width="500" height="300"> It doesn’t really go anywhere. The park ranger bends down over you and sticks a ticket onto your bare bum, then calls the cops. [[Keep lying still, because you got tazed so that’s basically all you can do.]]

<img src=http://i.imgur.com/KzIUyN4.jpg width="500" height="300"> Congratulations! Your perfect college major is: **Dance Science** You were born to use your body as art, and it doesn’t matter what other people think... especially you, Dad! [[Reset from checkpoint and play again ->None of the above]]

<img src=http://i.imgur.com/PUGbCx5.jpg width="500" height="300"> Congratulations! Your perfect college major is: **Finance** You’ll need some knowledge of numbers if you want to be able to pay off that ticket. Plus, Wall Street is the only place where this story is going to seem normal to all your coworkers. But if you really want to fit in, you’ll need to lie and say you were on coke the whole time. [[Reset from checkpoint and play again ->None of the above]]

<img src=http://i.imgur.com/zNoX2g9.jpg width="500" height="300"> Whoops. [[Also realize you googled the company’s location from the bath, while your hands were covered in that damn koala soap-> soap2]]

<img src=http://i.imgur.com/W29Am3b.jpg width="500" height="300"> Well your phone is soapy and dead forever now and you’re naked in a park. At least it’s poorly lit in this park, it’ll be easier to hide. Good thing you didn’t go into that well lit park. [[Venture into the woods and try to fashion crude clothing]] [[Strut your stuff]]

<img src=http://i.imgur.com/Od48Rp6.jpg width="500" height="300"> You manage to cobble together some rough semblance of pants from only leaves, twigs, dirt clods, and an abandoned pair of pants. As you traipse through the underbrush, the stress of choosing a major melts away. The birds sing in the sky, the leaves blow in the wind, the Monkey/Ronald Reagan hybrids that Texas A&M created then accidentally released into the wild during the ‘80s swing through the trees. Then you spot it: a park ranger station. [[Approach the station]] [[Abandon civilization and return to the wild]]

<img src=http://i.imgur.com/Ujs4ekO.jpg width="500" height="300"> You ain’t scared of what you got. You know you’re packing some hot, shapely business downstairs. Let ‘em be jealous. [[Suddenly smash face-first into the ground as a park ranger tazes you from behind]]

<img src=http://i.imgur.com/EO0uxsO.jpg width="500" height="300"> You march up to the ranger station, victorious. A conqueror of the wild. A master of the park. You kick down the door to the station and make eye contact with the park ranger inside. You pull off one of your dirt clod pant legs and use your finger to scratch a copy of your resume into the caked-on grime. [[Demand an internship]]

<img src=http://i.imgur.com/lN7XCRo.jpg width="500" height="300"> Congratulations! Your perfect college major is: **Wildlife and Fisheries Sciences** That degree will come in handy when you’re trying to get a job with //all// those big corporations that are located out in the wilderness. [[Reset from checkpoint and play again ->None of the above]]

<img src=http://i.imgur.com/UvXfkon.jpg width="500" height="300"> Congratulations! Your perfect college major is: **Recreation Parks and Tourism Sciences** You are a noble master of the wild. Assuming, of course, that the wild in question has already been mostly tamed and is government regulated and has strategically located first aid stations. [[Reset from checkpoint and play again ->None of the above]]

<img src=http://i.imgur.com/FEeQQko.jpg width="500" height="300"> Awww, yeah-yeah! Wild Horse Rescue, bro! This game is so sick! You’re fixing to rescue the crap out of some wild horses. [[Rescue horses in the mountains]] [[Rescue horses on the beach]]

<img src=http://i.imgur.com/2m811ix.jpg width="500" height="300"> You pop in the Call of Duty disk and start gunning down some politically correct, non-racially specific terrorists. This game is so much fun, you start to feel the stress of choosing a major fade away. You realize playing Call of Duty is really the only time you’ve ever been happy. Maybe you should make your real life more like Call of Duty! [[Join the Corps of Cadets]]

<img src=http://i.imgur.com/KRDsH1Z.png width="500" height="300"> You start up the Netflix app, but while it’s loading your stomach growls. You can’t Netflix on an empty stomach! [[Get a snack]]

<img src=http://i.imgur.com/znzdNjK.jpg width="500" height="300"> Are you 100% sure? Because it’s no big deal. You’ve got time. This is like the only period of your life when you can take mid-day naps and drink whenever you like, you might want to seize the opportunity to do so. [[Take a bubble bath to clear your head]] [[Play video games and escape the stress]] [[Responsibility]]

<img src=http://i.imgur.com/znzdNjK.jpg width="500" height="300"> Really? [[Take a bubble bath to clear your head]] [[Play video games and escape the stress]] [[Really]]

<img src=http://i.imgur.com/wBikO22.png width="500" height="300"> Congratulations! Your perfect college major is: **Dropping Out** You clearly don’t understand how college works, at all. If you want to be productive that bad then go get a job. College is supposed to be the best time of your life. But hey, college isn’t for everyone. [[Reset from checkpoint and play again ->None of the above]]

<img src=http://i.imgur.com/OERzOdX.jpg width="500" height="300"> You deftly control Barbie’s actions as she searches through dangerous and craggy mountain passes for any sign of wild horses to rescue. You hear a whinny behind you and turn to see a woman on a horse. “Hey there! I’m mountain horse rescuer Teresa!” She says, “Do you want to be my friend?” [[Yeah sure, we’re both horse rescuers]] [[No way, Who is this dumb chick? I ain’t never heard of no Teresa barbie doll. These mountains are my horse rescuing territory, step off]]

<img src=http://i.imgur.com/54OmX16.jpg width="500" height="300"> You rescue horses for a couple hours on the beach, and it’s pretty fun, but you should probably get back to thinking about a new major now. You start to google majors at TAMU but your stomach growls, you can’t work on an empty stomach. [[Get a snack]]

<img src=http://i.imgur.com/5Wiu2fc.jpg width="500" height="300"> You and Teresa team up and rescue mad amounts of horses, bro. But Teresa has a dark side, she wants more, she’s not content with this partnership. Teresa steals all of your horses and pushes you off the top of the mountain. [[Game over ->Feel the anger building inside of you]]

<img src=http://i.imgur.com/frt298R.jpg width="500" height="300"> You press the “don’t suck” button on your Xbox controller and Barbie pulls out her 9 mil. and blows Teresa's ugly digital head off. But virtual justice isn’t enough. You need more! You need blood! [[Feel the anger building inside of you]]

<img src=http://i.imgur.com/truwTEQ.jpg width="500" height="300"> "Nah Man! NAH! THIS IS MESSED UP! I HATE YOU TERESA YOU HORSE STEALING EXPLETIVE!” With a war cry of vengeance you rip your TV off the wall and hurl it out the window. [[Calm down]] [[Go on a hate-fueled 'roid rampage]]

<img src=http://i.imgur.com/eYe1dDz.jpg width="500" height="300"> It's too late! [[RAMPAGE!! ->Go on a hate-fueled 'roid rampage]]

<img src=http://i.imgur.com/t3d4ckn.jpg width="500" height="300"> You charge at a wall head-first and crash through the drywall and studs into your neighbor's apartment. You look around, thirsty for the death of an innocent, and spot your neighbor’s cat. [[Tear the cat in half]] [[Punt the cat out the window]]

<img src=http://i.imgur.com/gkoRD3X.jpg width="500" height="300"> You grip the cat’s chest in one hand and his hind legs in the other. With a gut-wrenching twist you split his body in twain. Using the two halves of the cat’s corpse as brushes, you paint your body and face with bloody tribal tattoos. [[RAMPAGE!!]]

<img src=http://i.imgur.com/fLbOTSJ.jpg width="500" height="300"> Woo! Look at that kitten sail! That must have been a 40-yarder at least! No way he survived that. Dumb cat. This feels good! [[Go find more stuff to punt]]

<img src=http://i.imgur.com/mpQTBFy.jpg width="500" height="300"> Congratulations! Your perfect college major is: **Meteorology** Today’s forecast is a 100% chance of reign of terror. Make sure to wear rain boots folks because the streets are going to be slick with the blood of your enemies. [[Reset from checkpoint and play again ->Play video games and escape the stress]]

<img src=http://i.imgur.com/hB2U7Ie.jpg width="500" height="300"> Congratulations! Your perfect college major is: **Kinesiology** You graduate and eventually become the greatest punting/kicking coach the NFL has ever seen. Your secret is you have all your players train on live cats. [[Reset from checkpoint and play again ->Play video games and escape the stress]]

<img src=http://i.imgur.com/AMkjON1.png width="500" height="300"> "Chi-Cha, Chi-Cha” you squawk loudly. Your indentured Burmese chef, Myint Maung, recognizes he is being summoned and comes to kneel at your feet. [[Open your mouth and point at it, signalling that you are hungry]] [[Let him grovel for a bit]]

<img src=http://i.imgur.com/t2MzbYI.jpg width="500" height="300"> He speaks English, jerk. You could’ve just said you were hungry. But Myint Maung understands what you are trying to communicate, he nods silently then moves into the kitchen and begins preparing food. [[Ask Myint to tell you a story while he cooks]] [[Start watching season 6 of 'Bones']]

<img src=http://i.imgur.com/zf9lIgr.jpg width="500" height="300"> Myint continues to bow at your feet, a minute passes, then two, then six. But eventually you tire of his worshipful attitude. [[Command Myint to make you a snack]]

<img src=http://i.imgur.com/ymCzXH9.jpg width="500" height="300"> Myint cooks you a delicious dish of Mohinga, seafood and rice soup, it’s your favorite. But when you take a bite, you realize he put beans in this Mohinga. You hate beans! Myint knows not to put beans in your food, he did this on purpose! [[Reprimand Myint for his insolence]] [[Just eat the beans]]

<img src=http://i.imgur.com/DtsNeVi.jpg width="500" height="300"> You hurl the bowl of Mohinga at Myint’s face. It crashes into his jaw, spewing beans all over his warm, caring eyes. Myint stumbles backward, reeling from the blow. Blinded by emotional trauma, Myint trips over the HDMI cord of your Xbox. He falls down, impaling himself on your special, collector’s edition scale-model of Vlad the Impaler’s spike. [[Run to him, to comfort him in his final moments]]

<img src=http://i.imgur.com/DtsNeVi.jpg width="500" height="300"> You put a spoonful in your mouth, but you can’t handle it. Beans are just too gross. You start to gag and can feel the bile rising in the back of your throat. You turn to scold Myint Maung but when you open your mouth vomit sprays out, covering the loyal chef in warm, beany Mohinga bits. [[Apologize]]

<img src=http://i.imgur.com/2lprwh9.jpg width="500" height="300"> You try to apologize but just end up barfing all over Myint again. Myint reels backward, blinded by your biological refuse. He trips on the HDMI cord of your Xbox and falls down, impaling himself on your special, collector’s edition scale-model of Vlad the Impaler’s spike. [[Run to him, to comfort him in his final moments]]

<img src=http://i.imgur.com/3KdTRf9.jpg width="500" height="300"> You rush to Myint’s side, his eyes are glazed over but his beautiful, bronze, muscular chest is still moving. He’s breathing! There’s a chance he could survive and you could still get a decent snack. [[Call 911]]

<img src=http://i.imgur.com/CFIuz7f.jpg width="500" height="300"> You rush across the room to grab your phone, but in your haste you accidentally stub your toe on a bookshelf. [[That’s the worst. Your day is now ruined]]

<img src=http://i.imgur.com/y1B850Z.jpg width="500" height="300"> The bookshelf teeters back and forth from the force of your toe’s impact. It’s going to fall on Myint! The bookshelf topples over and crashes to the ground, but it narrowly misses Myint’s food-covered, impaled body. [[That was close]]

<img src=http://i.imgur.com/VOrjPMT.jpg width="500" height="300"> You run back over to Myint Maung, but the toppling bookshelf scared Myint so much that he had a fatal heart attack and finally gave up the ghost. [[Examine the ghost]]

<img src=http://i.imgur.com/WPktsnV.jpg width="500" height="300"> Myint’s ghost stands before you, resplendent in an orange and yellow embroidered robe. “Thank you,” Myint’s ghost says. “Because of your actions, I have now become the 38th Nat. A sacred Burmese spirit that is created when someone of royal lineage dies a ridiculous death. It’s a real thing, don’t judge my culture.” [[Watch as Myint Maung, the 38th Nat, flies off into the sunset]]

<img src=http://i.imgur.com/jTKsPay.jpg width="500" height="300"> Congratulations! Your perfect college major is: **Aerospace Engineering** The question “How do ghosts fly?” will haunt you for the rest of your life. You will spends decades trying to figure it out. They aren’t aerodynamic, they have no propulsion system nor a way to generate lift, how do they do it? [[Reset to checkpoint and play again ->None of the above]]

<img src=http://i.imgur.com/AGANPqw.jpg width="500" height="300"> Myint Maung begins weaving you a word tapestry. As he speaks you are lost in his voice, engrossed by the story. [[Enter the world of Myint’s story]]

<img src=http://i.imgur.com/Qi9iM9i.jpg width="500" height="300"> You pull up Netflix on your Xbox and start watching Bones, slowly drifting in and out of consciousness as you repeatedly swoon with lust every time David Boreanaz appears on screen. [[Tell Myint you’re ready to eat ->Command Myint to make you a snack]]

<img src=http://i.imgur.com/BjkopzW.jpg width="500" height="300"> You are now an ancient Burmese King named Mintara. You are having a meeting with one of your governors, Nga Nauk Hsan. Nga asks you to promote him to captain of your armies, but honestly the dude is kind of gross, you don’t want him around. [[Laugh in his face]] [[Make an excuse]]

<img src=http://i.imgur.com/l4NCKfT.jpg width="500" height="300"> You burst out in rolling peals of belly laughter, bits of your spit fleck onto Nga’s face. When you manage to stop laughing you say, “There is no way you are ever going to be promoted bro, I only even let you be a governor because it’s funny to watch you make the rest of the governors feel uncomfortable when we have meetings.” [[Tell him to leave]]

<img src=http://i.imgur.com/l4NCKfT.jpg width="500" height="300"> You look around desperately for a way out of this situation. Make something up, quick! [[“Oh...um, I just realized that I’m late for...uhm, another meeting, but it’s in the forest, no need to follow me, it’s all outdoorsy there, you wouldn’t like it...bye!”]]

<img src=http://i.imgur.com/hmjFuAM.jpg width="500" height="300"> Nga leaves and you sit back, satisfied. You know what you need after a long day of being king? You need to relax. [[Go for a stroll through the nearby forest ->Whistle a jaunty tune as you frolic in the woods]]

<img src=http://i.imgur.com/kX4FLvJ.jpg width="500" height="300"> Well you suck at making up excuses, but whatever it worked, you’re free of Nga for now. And on the bright side, the forest is really beautiful this time of day. [[Whistle a jaunty tune as you frolic in the woods]]

<img src=http://i.imgur.com/Od48Rp6.jpg width="500" height="300"> As you walk along the forest path you hear singing, a beautiful woman’s voice is ringing through the trees. [[Search for the singer]]

<img src=http://i.imgur.com/v4DqEir.jpg width="500" height="300"> You follow the sound and come into a small glade, seated by a pond is a beautiful fairy princess. She has soft blue skin, hair like liquid silver, and two sparkly wings flutter on her back. And bro, she’s throwing you eyes. She’s dropping signals like crazy, she’s doing the finger-hair twirl, and biting her lip, and doing the “come closer” finger gesture. She wants you. [[Bad pickup line]] [[Worse pickup line]]

<img src=http://i.imgur.com/doXJfoT.jpg width="500" height="300"> “Hey girl, You have navy-colored skin and I got light-colored skin, you want to make a baby blue?” She giggles and then speaks a verbal yes in response to your proposition for sexual activity, because even kings and fairies need to have clear boundaries and rules for consent. [[Get it on]]

<img src=http://i.imgur.com/doXJfoT.jpg width="500" height="300"> "YO, YOU WANNA BANG?!” She giggles and then speaks a verbal yes in response to your proposition for sexual activity, because even kings and fairies need to have clear boundaries and rules for consent. [[Get it on]]

<img src=http://i.imgur.com/AaVGHt3.jpg width="500" height="300"> The next half hour is mind-blowing. Literally. Like your mind is screwy now. She drove you insane with how good she was. You’re mentally disturbed now. [[Don’t get dressed, just run back to your castle, naked and braying like a mule]]

<img src=http://i.imgur.com/EXfII4V.jpg width="500" height="300"> You run around in front of the gate to your castle, braying exactly like a mule, which is even more disturbing than you'd think because there weren’t any mules at this point in time in Burma. Governor Nga sees you on his way out of the gate and stops to stare at his naked king running around madly. [[Stop running and eat some grass]] [[Try to eat some grass while still running]]

<img src=http://i.imgur.com/PGjBHVM.jpg width="500" height="300"> Mmm, grass, delicious! So much tastier than beans. While you eat, Nga approaches you slowly. Nga makes sure no one is looking and then he stabs you in the chest in revenge for not promoting him. [[Enter the afterlife as a sacred Burmese spirit]]

<img src=http://i.imgur.com/PGjBHVM.jpg width="500" height="300"> You are unsuccessful in your attempts to pull grass out of the ground with your teeth while moving. You topple to the ground and lay there, exhausted. Nga approaches you slowly. Nga makes sure no one is looking and then he stabs you in the chest in revenge for not promoting him. [[Enter the afterlife as a sacred Burmese spirit]]

<img src=http://i.imgur.com/OdwVhHC.jpg width="500" height="300"> You become the 7th Nat, a sacred spirit worshipped in burma, and live out your second life in as much luxury as your first one. [[Come to your senses now that the story has ended]]

<img src=http://i.imgur.com/AAqJXLr.jpg width="500" height="300"> You snap back to real life, tear streaks on your face and a swirl of emotions bubbling inside of you. Myint Maung is a master storyteller. [[Compliment Myint's story]] [[Myint is your servant, ignore him like the animal he is]]

<img src=http://i.imgur.com/tZTXrFv.jpg width="500" height="300"> You try to put your feelings into words, but the words you have seem so useless now, they pale in comparison to Myint’s beautiful language. You open and close your mouth wordlessly. But Myint understands, he knows you better than you know you. Myint wraps his strong, loving arms around you. [[Reward Myint for his faithful service]]

<img src=http://i.imgur.com/fe9qLBX.jpg width="500" height="300"> You hurriedly dry your eyes, ashamed to have shown emotion. Myint must never see your weakness. You might need to make a show of force, in case he noticed your tears. [[Command Myint to hurry up with your food ->Command Myint to make you a snack]]

<img src=http://i.imgur.com/kT9MSlZ.jpg width="500" height="300"> You tell Myint his blood-debt to your family has been paid, he is no longer your indentured chef, he may go off and find his way in the world. Myint smiles at you and ruffles your hair. “I will stay here, you are my friend,” Myint says. [[Feel fulfilled and self-actualized]]

<img src=http://i.imgur.com/MRB0PMW.jpg width="500" height="300"> Congratulations! Your perfect college major is: **Ocean Engineering** Because you just successfully built one of the most watertight and structurally complex ships there is: a relation-ship. [[Reset from checkpoint and play again ->None of the above]]