Knife River Named Official Cement Truck of Texas A&M
On Tuesday, President Young made official what many students have believed to be true for a while now. Like the Heldenfels cats, the clever squirrels in Academic Plaza, and the bats of Kyle Field, campus has long been home to a range of adorable friends that have become indispensable... Read more
Men Reclaim Top Student Leaders at Texas A&M
After months of being reminded of their oppression, Aggie men have decided to do something this campaign season. While the top student leaders are selected over the course of the semester, 2017-2018 student body president, senior class president, and Corps Commander have now all been selected. Likewise, the Yell... Read more
Two-percenters Declare “Safe-Space” on Campus
In classic non-traditional format, the two-percenters on campus have voraciously declared a “safe-space” on campus for them to not practice any of A&M’s widely-permeating traditions. “We are tired of getting our feelings hurt by all of those outrageous traditions the majority of the student body participate in,” said a... Read more
BREAKING: Mandatory Corps Enrollment for Class of 2020
In the biggest announcement since the “Lead By Example” halftime card trick, President Young has announced that all incoming freshmen will serve one mandatory year in the Corps of Cadets. Response across campus has been a mixture of excitement, extreme relief, and frightening rage. Brigadier General Joe Ramirez, Commandant... Read more
Kyler Murray to Transfer to University of Phoenix Online
In a recent move that shocked much of Aggieland, Kyler Murray has announced his transfer to the nationally acclaimed online college, The University of Phoenix. According to sources close to the erstwhile starter, Murray has accepted a fantasy football scholarship offer. After the transfer, Murray will retain three years of NCAA eligibility. During his... Read more
7 Essential Tips for Boot Chasers
Does the sound of taps and spurs give you butterflies? Does the boots and khaki combo just throw you in a tizzy? Do you have your heart set on a cadet but just don’t know how to interact with him? Don’t worry, not many people do. Read this guide... Read more
Maroon Out Still Relevant
The Maroon Out game: the one tradition the Corps of Cadets can never get right. This year, Aggies will once again flood into Kyle Field in a monochromatic ocean that can only be experienced at the Maroon Out game, or at any other home game. Every year,  Maroon Out... Read more
Students Fear Test Imminent when Class-Dodging Senior Spotted
Throughout history, civilizations have been brought to their knees at the hands of sickness and plague in both times of war and times of peace. This week, Texas A&M was brought low by one of the most dangerous illnesses of all: senioritis. Senior poultry science major, Eric Wolf, has... Read more
Freshman Spends Gig ‘Em Week Befriending Future Strangers
Every freshman’s first tradition: fooling yourself into liking people you will never see again after the MSC Open House. We spent a day with incoming freshman Tyler Walker to get a better glimpse into this tradition that is as widespread as a freshman’s eyelids during their first test. We... Read more
Best Friends Accidentally Walk under Century Tree Together, Now Gay
In a strange twist of fate, two Texas A&M students became gay today after walking, and then eventually prancing, under the century tree together. The students, Marcus Gladden and Tanner Elliott, have been friends since high school, and they say the event was an accident. “We were pretty late... Read more