Freshman BIMS Major Diagnoses Friend and Saves His Life
Last week, a life was saved. Around 3:14 pm, sophomore Benny Harrington sneezed 3 times in a row in his Biology 111 class. After an unnecessary amount of “Bless you”s, local hero Todd Parsnip leaned over and changed Benny’s life forever. “You know that’s an early sign of conjunctivitis,... Read more
Beutel Introduces Fastpass Line To Meet Students’ Needs
A.P. Beutel Health Center, The Place Where Everything is Made Up and Your Health Doesn’t Matter™, has recently received an overwhelming influx of students complaining of various illnesses, likely due to the new inability to q-drop classes and the rapid approach of finals. “Don’t tell anyone, but when I... Read more
New Wave of Senioritis Hits A&M Campus, Wipes Out Entire Class of 2016
The city of College Station has received an influx of volatile weather since the end of Spring Break. What many meteorology majors first thought was a simple cold front has turned into something much worse for the university. A wave of what researchers call “Senioritis” has touched down in... Read more
Female Students Chug Wine to Prove Not Pregnant:
SOME DOCTORS CONVINCED, OTHERS REMAIN SKEPTICAL Texas A&M University’s Beutel Student Health Center, also colloquially known as “The Quack Shack,” has implemented a new policy in the women’s restrooms. Signs brandishing “Only toilet paper in toilets” litter the stall doors, along with artist renditions of several day-to-day items that... Read more
The 14 Best Aggie Halloween Costumes
Sexy Reveille Requires: Dog ears, fur trimmed dress, maroon or white shawl (optional), and an open invitation for people to call you a b**** all night. Bonus for Couples: bring your handler and see how many interpret the costume as a statement on gender roles. Sexy Corps Cadet Requires: a... Read more
FOCUS ON THE FUTURE: ADDERALL DISPENSERS COMING TO CAMPUS
Last week, Texas A&M Student Health Services unveiled a plan to install new vending machines across campus. However, instead of Pepsi products and Starbucks Frappuccinos, these state-of-the-art dispensers will contain a stock of the medicinal variety. Each dispenser will be equipped with various prescription strengths of the drug amphetamine... Read more