Computer Science Department to Build Skynet
Yesterday, the computer science department announced its plan to construct a real life Skynet equivalent. The sole purpose of this machine will be the eradication of mankind, or at least that’s the plan. Professor Con Johner is heading up the endeavour and claims it to be the loftiest goal... Read more
Engineering Major Unsure if Everyone at Party Knows He’s an Engineering Major
Freshman general engineering major David Chapman glanced around the house party nervously as he refilled his drink, looking for anyone he had not yet introduced himself to. “My time is valuable,” said Chapman. “Everyone here needs to know that there is so much schoolwork I could be doing right... Read more
Formula Discovered for Perfect Yell Leaders
Researchers at A&M have discovered the formula for the perfect Yell leaders. After many years of hard work studying the physics, mathematics and theory behind leading yells, it was discovered that the single most important attribute of a Yell leader is, in fact, being a white, non-denominational Christian male.... Read more
5 Scientifically Proven Ways to Help You Study for Finals
Lack of sleep actually improves focus! Scientists report that replacing sleep with studying has shown higher test scores! It’s called “Brain Focus Redirection.” Basically, whatever energy would have been put into sleep is redirected and put purely into helping you cram and memorize that fleeting information!   Starbucks Doubleshot... Read more
Earth: The America of Planets
Steve Jobs. George Washington. Martin Luther King.  What do they all have in common? They all hail from the greatest planet in the universe. America. Earth Day has been celebrated for 4.64 billion years, making it the oldest holiday in the history of the universe. We only started recognizing... Read more
The Importance of Finding an Outlet
Where one gets plugged-in on campus can determine their social standing. Similar to high school except that most high schools do not let students bring their laptops to class. So, there are no experts here. In the age of e-Campus, web portals, and cloud storage, one would be completely... Read more
Engineering Rivalries Climax, Tribal Warfare Ensues
Riots broke out early Wednesday morning, April 16, on the eastern side of campus where engineering students primarily have class. These riots were the explosive result of a recent strain of vehement arguments the students have had over whose course load is the most stressful. Engineering students from all... Read more
Geologists Confirm Ol’ Rock (The Good Ag) Between 6000 and 4.54 Billion Years Old
WASHINGTON D.C. — In a groundbreaking discovery made at the Geological Society of America’s 14th National Conference, geologists from Texas A&M University have confirmed that Ol’ Rock (The Good Ag) is 4.54 billion years old1. “After comparing notes with other eminent geologists around the nation and piecing together irrefutable carbon... Read more