Bumbling Doofus of Professor Makes Mistake on Whiteboard
Tragedy struck a Texas A&M classroom yesterday afternoon when ECEN 214 professor Dr. Samuel Miller accidentally wrote “12 A” instead of “-12 A” while solving a problem in his lecture. “There was a huge uproar,” said sophomore electrical engineering student Leola Jackson. “I thought there was going to be... Read more
Modern Musical Genius Crafts Perfect Playlist for Any Occasion
Referring to him as a “musical genius” and a “modern-day Mozart,” friends of junior environmental studies major Dillon Cantlon are praising his musical gift of crafting the perfect playlist for any occasion. Cantlon’s roommate, Joseph Lopez, recalls a party that was “totally lit” thanks to Cantlon’s savant-like understanding of... Read more
Students Protest Valentine’s Privilege
TRIGGER WARNING: Valentine’s Privilege is discussed below. A new wave of progressivism has swept across campus as students are beginning to check one another’s privilege in regards to Valentine’s Day. This movement seeks to change the societal criterion that Valentine’s Day can only be celebrated by people in relationships.... Read more
Student with Truck Helps Friend Move, Justifying 5 Years of Truck Ownership
Chad Adams, an Economics student at Texas A&M and proud pickup truck owner since 2011, has been anticipating an opportunity to use his truck to haul something ever since he bought it.  After spending $40,000 on his Chevy Silverado—and $15,000 more modifying it—he expressed his excitement about an opportunity... Read more
Football Player Released to Prevent Campus Conversation
Over Winter Break the Texas A&M Football Team quietly released one of their players, who was an unfortunate victim of sexual assault in late November while out at Northgate. The Athletic Department justified their actions by stating that student reactions to the event would only hamper the prevention and... Read more
Student Disability Services to be Moved to Galveston Campus
Yesterday evening, Chancellor John Sharp announced that the Board of Regents has voted to relocate Student Disability Services, previously in Cain Hall before being relocated to White Creek, to the Galveston campus. In its place, a lazy river will be constructed in a circuit around West Campus, with convenient... Read more
7 Ways to Show Your Friends You Are Not a White Supremacist Today
Many look at their day today and find their social calendar—as well as their social-activist calendar—filled to the brim with potential ways to spend the evening. Check out our top 7 ways for you to show your friends how totally not racist you are! No. 1 Aggies United Attend... Read more
“More Medians!” Demands College Station Transportation Department
Much to the irritation of local residents and Texas A&M students alike, numerous College Station through streets are currently closed for construction. Munson, Nimitz, Luther—the list of closed roads seems inexhaustible. So what is with all of the construction? College Station’s historic neighborhoods feature streets that seem like they... Read more
New No-Phone Law Causes Drivers to Crash and Die Due to Boredom
On November 9th, the city of College Station implemented a new law forbidding the use of a cell phone whilst driving. The next day, local law-abiding citizen and student Ryan Bradley crashed into a telephone pole on Holleman. Bradley’s friend Connor Watson was following behind him right before the... Read more
Puppy Station to Introduce New Line of Non-GMO Puppies
In an effort to provide customers with a more novel experience, Puppy Station plans to release a new collection of non-genetically modified puppies. The popular store located in the soul-crushing Post Oak mall will be introducing wolf pups in early December, coinciding with finals in order to cater to... Read more