University Launches Investigation into On-Campus Coke Dealers
Campus Police Spokesperson, Jim Beamer, announced today that Texas A&M has commissioned the University Police Department to find and take down a ring of influential and possibly dangerous criminals dealing illegal Coke across campus. “Coke is a dangerous substance, and students can’t find it on campus for a reason,”... Read more
Study Finds Quad Only Visible to Those Who Know of Its Existence
COLLEGE STATION, TEXAS — Results of a recent study by the College of Architecture regarding campus design yielded an interesting and surprising result: The Quad, home to all twelve Corps of Cadets dorms and Duncan Dining Center, can only be seen and accessed by students who already know of... Read more
Female Students Chug Wine to Prove Not Pregnant:
SOME DOCTORS CONVINCED, OTHERS REMAIN SKEPTICAL Texas A&M University’s Beutel Student Health Center, also colloquially known as “The Quack Shack,” has implemented a new policy in the women’s restrooms. Signs brandishing “Only toilet paper in toilets” litter the stall doors, along with artist renditions of several day-to-day items that... Read more
Student Asked to Remove Thinking Cap in MSC
The Flag Room in the MSC lost its studying allure after several students were asked to leave for disrespecting tradition. Last night, junior Griffin Bronson donned his invisible thinking cap to study for his PHYS 218 midterm but was promptly accosted by the self-proclaimed tradition guard, Andrew Portsmith. The... Read more
The 14 Best Aggie Halloween Costumes
Sexy Reveille Requires: Dog ears, fur trimmed dress, maroon or white shawl (optional), and an open invitation for people to call you a b**** all night. Bonus for Couples: bring your handler and see how many interpret the costume as a statement on gender roles. Sexy Corps Cadet Requires: a... Read more
An Open Letter from Your Bus Driver
Some people hate me. Some people don’t even realize I exist. However, some people will follow me to the ends of the earth. I am your humble Spirit Bus driver, and I’ve embarked on a quest to experiment on the fragile minds of the students of Texas A&M. Jason... Read more
Basic White Girls Literally Can’t Handle Starbucks Line
It is no secret that Starbucks is in high demand at Texas A&M. Since the MSC brought the franchise to campus in 2013, it has been clear that Aggies’ appetites could not be satiated with only one decent on-campus coffee center. The Texas A&M student body rejoiced when the... Read more
FOCUS ON THE FUTURE: ADDERALL DISPENSERS COMING TO CAMPUS
Last week, Texas A&M Student Health Services unveiled a plan to install new vending machines across campus. However, instead of Pepsi products and Starbucks Frappuccinos, these state-of-the-art dispensers will contain a stock of the medicinal variety. Each dispenser will be equipped with various prescription strengths of the drug amphetamine... Read more
WHICH FLO DO YOU BELONG IN?
Forget the banners. Forget the informationals. Forget the endless tank-top wearing sophomores asking if you are Class of 2019 or not. The FLO Chart is here. Backed by years of research and data gathered from all corners of campus, the FLO Chart is proven to ease the worries of... Read more
MSC OPEN HOUSE LEAVES POTENTIAL BUYERS SCARED AND CONFUSED
This Sunday, thousands of students and ones of buyers crowded into the Memorial Student Center to participate in the MSC Open House. The MSC Open House is a biannual Texas A&M tradition allowing new students to discover student organizations in the fun and relaxed atmosphere of being slowly trampled... Read more