Sunday Comic – The Buttalion – 2/9/2014
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Texas A&M to Add Real Animal in Four Star Running Back
COLLEGE STATION- Texas A&M University has secured the final piece of their already impressive 2014 class in a four star running back out of Georgia. The school was quick out of the gate recruiting this year and the last minute addition is an important pick up for the Aggies.... Read more
Brother Jed to Accept Philosophy of Religion Position at Blinn
Blinn students will be pleased to see a familiar face describing the merits and nature of religion next semester. This afternoon, the school announced the hiring of Jed Smock, known to many as Brother Jed, as the new Philosophy of Religion instructor. According to the official Blinn course catalog,... Read more
Texas A&M to Transition from Pepsi to Coca-Cola
In a move that has shocked the campus, Texas A&M University Dining has announced that it will be severing ties with PepsiCo. In its place, University administrators have awarded rival company Coca-Cola Bottlers Consolidated the exclusive right to sell products on campus. The University’s contract with PepsiCo, a multi-year... Read more
Code Maroon Lampoon!
Yesterday, January 28th, 2014 — a date which will live in obscurity — The Maroon Lampoon was suddenly and deliberately attacked by the forces of The Mugdown. The Maroon Lampoon was at peace with the rival newspaper and, at the solicitation of The Mugdown, was in conversation with The... Read more
Student Actually Reads Syllabus
College Station, TX – In a twist of events that surprised even the professor himself, it appears that a student in his Introduction to Accounting class has read the syllabus. Despite requiring this mundane assignment every year, this is the first time on record that a student has in... Read more
Corps Member Thanked for His Service
A new semester has begun at Texas A&M University, and with a new year comes an influx of visitors to the campus. Marla Campbell, the mother of a visiting high school senior, was overwhelmingly inspired by the University’s numerous men in uniform. Chad Jordan—fish—was approached by Campbell near the Quad... Read more
A&M Rebrands to Reflect Phonetics
  Prepare to see a ‘Block N’ forming on the North End of Kyle Field. Citing student confusion as the primary reason, Texas A&M University officials have decided to change their historic logo. In what is sure to be a controversial decision, officials have finally caved into phonetics. According... Read more
Cinemark Running Same Ticket Price since 1980’s
Is it time to say goodbye to four dollar movies,  Aggies? A conversation between junior economics major, Raj Panesar, and the manager of Cinemark in College Station has prompted an evaluation of ticket prices. Theodore Allen has both owned and managed the theater since 1985. He opened his theater... Read more
MSC to Become World’s First 3-Story ‘Mega Panda’
Orange chicken looks to take over the Maroon landscape. Chartwells – the company that oversees Texas A&M on-campus dining – has just confirmed that Panda Express will expand to become the first ‘Mega Panda’. After constant complaints from students of massive lines and lack of seating, Chartwells approached University... Read more