Student Who is “Terrible at Names” Finally Admits to Not Even Really Trying
Kyle Erikson, a senior marketing major, has claimed for years that he is one of the worst at learning names and can only identify people by face. The issue has gotten so bad that when someone tells him their name, Erikson immediately forgets it and has to ask at... Read more
TAMU Student Finds Purpose in Belittling Blinn Students
Every year, new freshmen come to College Station to attend Texas A&M. Often, they have friends who end up in the desolate wasteland of Bryan, at the institution colloquially know as “Blinndergarten.” “I want to preface this by saying I am extremely smart,” said Ben Novak, freshman communication major,... Read more
Imperialist Taco Shop Acquires Pizza Hut
Fuego Tortilla Grill, a taco shop founded in College Station, has been steadily expanding and acquiring new territory outside of the Bryan–College Station area. Staking claims in Waco and San Marcos, Fuego is establishing itself as a taco staple among Texas college students, hoping to someday join the ranks... Read more
Opinion: When is Student Senate Going to Condemn Nicholas Cage’s Character in National Treasure?
The Texas A&M Student Senate has been torn by partisanship in the past. Much like the actual federal government, legislators tend to disagree with each other, creating a more perfect union through a diversity of opinion. Yet, in its most recent legislative session, the organization has begun to actually... Read more
Another Bus Follows: A Transportation Horror Story
It’s late. Too late. You knew that this was a bad idea. But, then again, your roommate said it was too, and would it really be wrong of you to stay out late purely to let them know that they aren’t in charge of you? I mean, honestly, you... Read more
Students Protest Men’s Resource Center on Campus
Today on campus, students were in uproar over the new “Elect Him” campaign sponsored by the Men’s Resource Center. Students were visibly upset and denounced the new group as sexist, saying that it put other groups on campus at a disadvantage. Other students thought it was fair that the... Read more
Absolutely Outrageous Group of Friends Go to Whataburger Late at Night
Flying in the face of social convention, a group of absolutely outrageous friends drove to Whataburger at 2:11 a.m. early Friday morning. The five daredevils boldly pushed aside their normal eating habits to “make memories with their besties” on a trip that members of the group described as “totally... Read more
Study Shows Student Eating Alone Not Actually Lonely
Conventional wisdom claims that anyone who eats alone at any point in his or her life is absolutely lonely and has no capacity for relationships. While this principle has proved to be true in high school cafeterias nationwide, a new study seems to suggest this traditional thinking may not... Read more
McDonald’s to Start Serving Vehicles Waiting to Cross George Bush
Starting next week, the McDonald’s located at the intersection of George Bush Drive and Wellborn Road will begin taking orders from vehicles waiting at the stoplight. Branch manager Nancy “Hotsauce” Jones was available to explain the thought process behind their decision. “We already provide overflow parking for football games,... Read more
President Young Caught Without Human Suit, Exposed as Lizard King
In a shocking turn of events, President Michael K. Young was caught in his office in his true form as the Lizard King. Surprised by his secretary who forget to knock, President Young was seen on all fours scurrying around his desk with his human skin suit laid haphazardly... Read more