MIP Sets Student Apart for Entry Level Job
Ring season is in full swing, and every weekend students are christening their Aggie gold in a lukewarm baptismal of flat beer. While wearing an Aggie Ring has historically been a senior privilege, Mugdown investigators have discovered that many ring recipients are not in their fourth year at the University.
These ‘senior by hours’ underclassmen have sidestepped the traditional pathway to earning an Aggie Ring by fulfilling the 90-hour requirement early. While these students are eligible to wield the status that comes with an Aggie Ring, many of them are still too young to chug a pitcher of beer in under 30 seconds for their ring dunk.
This ring season, the College Station Police Department is keeping a tight watch on ring dunks citywide, in an effort to stop underage dunkers. Though these dunkers are breaking the law, police report that the students are not evading arrest. In fact, they seem to want to be discovered in the act.
Last weekend when caught chugging a pitcher of old Keystone on his best friend’s brother’s girlfriend’s deck, junior Carsen Willens reportedly asked, “Officer, will this go on my permanent record?” After the officer responded affirmatively, reports indicate Willens released a sigh, stating, “Finally.”
After further research, data shows that the escalating number of bachelor’s degree-wielding applicants in the job market is driving the competition for entry-level positions to an all-time high. Students, desperate for any way to stand out in front of companies, have turned to alcohol for the cure. “I really had nothing on my resume,” said junior civil engineering major Charles Darkin, “but I got my Aggie Ring as a Sophomore and dunked in a redass 20 seconds, so I will have plenty of impressive things to talk about when companies bring up my MIP from 2018.”
Experts are still unsure of the long-term consequences the MIP may hold for offenders. Students remain hopeful that MIP-induced job opportunities will at least make it worth the out of state tuition penalty for cashing in those useless AP credits.
—Washboard Ags
Sure sure, we all know those muscle bound meatheads that infest weight rooms across the country, but here in Aggieland our dudebros are a little different. Instead of slamming weights and kicking nerds, our beloved Washbord Ags always has encouraging words to say or is there to spot you when you push a bit too hard. So if you ever see them at the rec giving the new folks helpful tips, be sure to buy them a smoothie to keep those Abs in proper Aggieland shape.