The culinary scene in College Station has been forever altered after the introduction of a local cooking personality. Gorden Speer has become the de facto authority on cooking after managing to actually feed himself real food for once.
Speer rose to stardom in the kitchen last week after preparing spaghetti for his roommates. Speer took a culinary risk to deviate from the Crunchwrap Supremes and frozen Hungry Man Dinners fueling the apartment. After an over-cluttered freezer and day-drinking binge prevented him from obtaining his usual means of sustenance, Speer found noodles and a jar of sauce in the back of the pantry.
Speer was more than happy to share what brought him to uncover this hidden ability with literally anyone he met. “When I found the ingredients in the pantry, something within me clicked and I knew what I had to do,” said Speer, a junior mathematics major. “Since that very first dish, I just can’t stop cooking. I have prepared oven chicken breast, tacos, and chili for my roommates since uncovering this talent.”
Speer’s roommates are not so sure of his triple threat capabilities in the kitchen, however. With Hungry Man being replaced by Hamburger Helper and RiceARoni, the quality of food hasn’t increased by much. “He just uses Hamburger Helper and thinks he’s some kind of chef,” said Kyle Ellison, a member of the household. “He makes the most basic dishes and then touts that he is the next Bobby Flay.”
Speer has reportedly started looking for ways to monetize his new hobby, outside of his home. “I’ve thought about trying to sell either a cookbook or start some type of cooking show,” said Speer, America’s next top collegiate chef. “Maybe I can market my own crock pot or cutting board line for college students. I think I definitely have the talent for that kind of following.”
Speer was last seen trying to expand his cooking abilities beyond something a high schooler could prepare. His last Facebook status let the eager community know that he was attempting an original Chicken Quesadilla recipe, which would soon be available on his fan page.
– Netflix & Drill