Northgate Bars to Hand out Relationship Status Bracelets Northgate Bars to Hand out Relationship Status Bracelets
All bars on Northgate have announced that they will begin handing out color-coded bracelets for patrons to display relationship statuses that will help minimize... Northgate Bars to Hand out Relationship Status Bracelets

All bars on Northgate have announced that they will begin handing out color-coded bracelets for patrons to display relationship statuses that will help minimize awkward social interactions. “This is going to be a game changer,” said frequent Northgate patron Chad Williams. “I try to only hit on girls that are single, but now I can know for sure. This way I will only disrespect women who want to be disrespected.”

To help understand this new system, The Mugdown has released a comprehensive guide to understanding the colors and their respective meanings:

Red: “Single and ready to mingle.” This bracelet will let others know that this guy or girl is looking for a mate. No attention is unwelcome when wearing one of these bad boys.

White: “The purest of them all.” A white bracelet indicates that this bar goer is not interested in a relationship. It’s not a euphemism for rejecting you; he or she is actually just not looking for a relationship.

Black: “I’m in a relationship.” The patrons wearing black bracelets are completely off limits. Do not look, do not touch, do not taste. The wearers are in a serious relationship and nothing you do will make them reconsider.

Gray: “I’m in a relationship…” Wielders of a gray bracelet are “technically in a relationship,” but not necessarily “brand loyal.” Present a better alternative and they will happily make the switch. At least for tonight.

Rainbow: “Inquire for details.” People wearing rainbow bracelets cannot simply define what they are looking for with the color of a bracelet. It’s better not to assume these days, so just ask.

Yellow: “Anything goes.” While often incorrectly mistaken for a rainbow bracelet wearer, the yellow bracelet wearer is just looking for any hedonistic pleasure he or she can find. This person is a slippery slope, and that is not a fallacy.

While the new bracelets are not required to get into bars, they are strongly encouraged. As Williams puts it,”It’s like how on Facebook if a girl doesn’t publicly display her relationship status, it’s her fault if I hit on her. Now it applies to bars as well.”  

 

—12th Man Bowels

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12th Man Bowels

12th Man Bowels is a dirty, filthy pledge of The Mugdown, and has not earned a writer bio yet! Check back next semester!

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