All bars on Northgate have announced that they will begin handing out color-coded bracelets for patrons to display relationship statuses that will help minimize awkward social interactions. “This is going to be a game changer,” said frequent Northgate patron Chad Williams. “I try to only hit on girls that are single, but now I can know for sure. This way I will only disrespect women who want to be disrespected.”
To help understand this new system, The Mugdown has released a comprehensive guide to understanding the colors and their respective meanings:
Red: “Single and ready to mingle.” This bracelet will let others know that this guy or girl is looking for a mate. No attention is unwelcome when wearing one of these bad boys.
White: “The purest of them all.” A white bracelet indicates that this bar goer is not interested in a relationship. It’s not a euphemism for rejecting you; he or she is actually just not looking for a relationship.
Black: “I’m in a relationship.” The patrons wearing black bracelets are completely off limits. Do not look, do not touch, do not taste. The wearers are in a serious relationship and nothing you do will make them reconsider.
Gray: “I’m in a relationship…” Wielders of a gray bracelet are “technically in a relationship,” but not necessarily “brand loyal.” Present a better alternative and they will happily make the switch. At least for tonight.
Rainbow: “Inquire for details.” People wearing rainbow bracelets cannot simply define what they are looking for with the color of a bracelet. It’s better not to assume these days, so just ask.
Yellow: “Anything goes.” While often incorrectly mistaken for a rainbow bracelet wearer, the yellow bracelet wearer is just looking for any hedonistic pleasure he or she can find. This person is a slippery slope, and that is not a fallacy.
While the new bracelets are not required to get into bars, they are strongly encouraged. As Williams puts it,”It’s like how on Facebook if a girl doesn’t publicly display her relationship status, it’s her fault if I hit on her. Now it applies to bars as well.”
—12th Man Bowels