Car Wreck on George Bush Drive Caused by Shirtless Jogger Car Wreck on George Bush Drive Caused by Shirtless Jogger
As the weather begins to cool in College Station, joggers have started utilizing every part of Texas A&M’s campus for their preferred running routes.... Car Wreck on George Bush Drive Caused by Shirtless Jogger

As the weather begins to cool in College Station, joggers have started utilizing every part of Texas A&M’s campus for their preferred running routes. One of the most popular running spots, the campus golf course, has long been a favorite for students who need a twenty-minute study break. The route, a little over two miles, is long enough to make joggers feel like they worked out, but short enough to ensure they are not entirely drenched in sweat. Sometimes joggers choose to run with their shirts off, either for comfort or for vanity. One student, sophomore Clyde Strong, was taking a quick jog in between studying for economics, when he inadvertently distracted a female driver with his washboard abs, causing the woman to rear-end the semi-truck in front of her.

“I run with my shirt off all of the time,” said Strong. “It’s something I do to make myself feel more comfortable. When I wear a shirt, it gets all sticky and my abs start to look like fat rolls. It’s not my fault that I’m cut. I was just minding my own business, running a real easy 6:21 pace, when boom, there are cars backed up for miles on George Bush Drive.”

Students Blair Wild and Jackie Mansanto were making their way along George Bush Drive when they spotted Strong trotting down Texas Avenue. Wild, the driver, could not peel her eyes away from Strong’s tight pectorals and glistening brow in time to see the the semi-truck stop in front of her. Afternoon traffic was light, but Wild missed the truck’s brake lights, slamming into the vehicle while going about ten miles above the 40 mph limit.

“It should be against the law for men to run with their shirts off on Texas. What am I supposed to do when he’s out there just flaunting his body like that?,” said Wild. “This isn’t Northgate. My car is completely totaled; I deserve some sort of compensation.”

The wreck took over two hours to clear, with George Bush shut down for over an hour. Wild’s Jeep Wrangler was totaled, and the semi-truck left the scene with minor paint damage. The fault of the accident, whether Wild or Strong, has yet to be determined. Law enforcement on the scene contacted the Department of Student Life on how to handle the matter of shirtless runners on campus.

“The poor driver had no chance to avert her eyes; of course the accident isn’t her fault,” said Penny Ayton, a representative for the Department of Student Life. “I don’t think we can technically enforce a rule against shirtless joggers, but we can certainly shame them against doing it. As a public institution, this is not a place for nudity of any kind.”

 

—Buffalo Wild Wags

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Buffalo Wild Wags

Buffalo Wild Wags is a dirty, filthy pledge of The Mugdown, and has not earned a writer bio yet! Check back next semester!

  • WTF, stupid drivers

    October 10, 2017 #1 Author

    Is this really a story published by the Onion? So much fail with this:

    Wild missed the truck’s brake lights, slamming into the vehicle while going about ten miles above the 40 mph limit.

    “This isn’t Northgate. My car is completely totaled; I deserve some sort of compensation.”

    The poor driver had no chance to avert her eyes; of course the accident isn’t her fault,” said Penny Ayton, a representative for the Department of Student Life.

    First you were speeding, then you actually believe you deserve compensation…for what?? Not paying attention? Place blame on anyone but yourself. You probably had your cell phone out also trying to snap a picture. Go to the gym if you need to get a fix.

    Reply

  • Lil daddy

    October 11, 2017 #2 Author

    Wtf is this supposed to be a joke? I’m pretty sure that you’d have to be a moron to blame a jogger for you not watching the road. Also if this were real I I was the jogger I would sue the person who posted this for hazzing and harrassment

    Reply

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