COLLEGE STATION — Onlookers were disappointed when they realized Jim Templeton, a sophomore general studies major with an abnormally full beard, was completely normal.
“He isn’t a rock climber. He isn’t uniquely quirky. He doesn’t drive a moped. He doesn’t play harmonica or some other interesting instrument. He doesn’t wear eccentric thrift shop clothes. He doesn’t even own Chacos. We’ve literally exhausted all of our options,” said Harrison Kim, a local authority on facial hair and owner of a well-groomed handlebar moustache.
Jim’s normalcy was first discovered when he admitted that he did not actually know that “super sick, under the radar” band everyone else was talking about. Upon further investigation, bystanders determined Jim was extraordinarily average.
Despite everyone’s disappointment, Jim’s beard has remained intact. He has sworn to better hide his mediocracy from now on.
—5K for Yell