Election Commissioner Braces for Consequences of Doing Job Well
A well-run election conducted with integrity and class is a hard thing to come by at Texas A&M. Last week, Election Commissioner Rachel Keathley... Election Commissioner Braces for Consequences of Doing Job Well

A well-run election conducted with integrity and class is a hard thing to come by at Texas A&M. Last week, Election Commissioner Rachel Keathley ran such an election (with the exception of the disqualification of The Mugdown—SAD).

In the wake of such a fair election, the student body has understandably lashed out at Rachel for having the gall to perform her job as instructed to do.

Upset that an Election Commissioner would perform her job with some personal integrity, members of various campaigns have come to see Keathley not as a person, but as a punching bag to vent their frustrations through.

The Mugdown recently spotted Keathley bobbing and weaving through a crowd adorned with campaign shirts, who were throwing out more than just punches.

“You think you know what intimidation looks like?” said one protester. “I’ll show you intimidation!”

Keathley, aware of the perils involved in defying The Machine as Election Commissioner, has been unfazed by the punches, as she had been preparing for the backlash.

“Election Commissioner is pretty much the only job that you can do perfectly and with a lot of integrity and still have everyone hate you in the end,” said Keathley. “It’s literally on the application. I have known that something like this was going to happen, so I hired someone to punch me in the face every single morning. I’ve built up a pretty good tolerance to pain by this point.”

The mobs of angry protestors, however, have been undeterred by Keathley’s lack of response to being senselessly punched in the face.

“Who does she think she is?” said an anonymous member of Chi-O when asked about the election results. “Where did all this New Army ‘doing your job well,’ and ‘having integrity,’ crap come from? Everyone knows that The Machine is supposed to win. We have God on our side, and the Election Commissioner should know that it’s her job to fudge the facts so that God’s will can be done.”

Keathley expects things to get worse over the next week, regardless of whether or not Robert wins or loses his Judicial Court appeal.

—Mugdown Staff

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Mugdown Staff

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