On Wednesday, February 15th, senior anthropology major Justin Creed decided to take a bold stand regarding his future. Creed purposefully strutted across the seal in Koldus with all the zeal of a tourist group around prime traffic time. He then took the display of brazen disregard for his graduation one step further and decided to moonwalk back across for good measure. Students silently looked on, horrified. SGA held a moment of silence for the event at 7:17.
“If you ask me, it was appalling,” said junior political science major Henry Samuelson, although no one asked him. “If he was that nervous about the future, he should have gotten a useful degree like the rest of us.”
According to legend, if a student walks across any school seal on TAMU’s campus, he or she will never graduate. Some argue that this curse only applies to the seal in the Academic Building; most are unwilling to risk it.
Sources closest to Creed have made the case that it was his only option. Creed, like most graduating seniors, had come to the difficult realization that the world is a cold, cruel place outside of College Station’s warm Aggie family. The Career Fair had only produced six dead-end interviews for Creed. He had no clue an internship was necessary at some point in his college career, and, arriving at the second semester of his senior year, he realized he had no hope of surviving in the real world.
“I have a meal plan, housing, and a full ride. I would be a fool to actually graduate. That is why I handled the situation with great maturity. What is waiting for me out there? A job? Yeah, right. I’ve really only ever wanted to SCUBA anyway,” said Creed.
Creed is now working on a new set of goals for his future, including taking all of the KINE 199 classes A&M has to offer, memorizing all of the bus time tables, and making an A in a class.
—Metta World Pizza