Yesterday evening, Chancellor John Sharp announced that the Board of Regents has voted to relocate Student Disability Services, previously in Cain Hall before being relocated to White Creek, to the Galveston campus. In its place, a lazy river will be constructed in a circuit around West Campus, with convenient stops at the new Cain Hall hotel, Northgate, and the Bush Library.
Access to the Governor Rick Perry ‘72 Lazy River™ will be restricted to the members of the Texas A&M Foundation who have contributed at least one million dollars to the university. It is expected to be used to complement the new luxury hotel and parking garage built after the demolition of Cain Hall.
“While we are aware that this may pose an inconvenience to those who use Student Disability Services regularly,” Sharp said, “we receive more money from donors than we do from our disabled students. As a university that prides ourself on our excellency in the STEM fields, we must do the simple math and come to the conclusion that more money is better than less money.”
Sharp went on to announce that a small shed on the beach had been requisitioned as the new location for Student Disability Services. “We think that will be more than enough room to do whatever is they do over there,” said Sharp.
For ease of access, it was announced that Student Transportation Services, much lauded for their occasional timeliness, would be running a weekly shuttle between the College Station and Galveston campuses. The shuttle will leave from the MSC at 8:00 AM every Monday morning and return at 4:00 PM, assuming that the tide is out. For those students who have classes during that time slot, the Board of Regents recommends simply transferring to the Galveston campus
—Big Brother Jed
This article was first published in our print edition released on January 30th, 2017. Pick up a copy in the MSC, Evans, Quadbucks, Sbisa, or Wehner by Friday, February 3rd!